The 2008 Frontrunners, It's Either Fun or Tedious

REPUBLICANS-

Rudolph Giuliani- Rudy leads the pack in the race to romance Republican voters after President Bush and the previous Congress destroyed the opportunity to hold its power base after the 2006 mid-term elections. According to the mainstream media, the Republicans failed to make significant gains against global terror in the great goat paradise known as the Middle East so a power shift ensued. Rudy will not easily sway the "far right" because of his pro-abortion, gay rights, and gun control stances. There is a school of thought that believes his social leanings may bring in some independents and moderate swing voters. The sale of souls to the Devil begins! If Rudy wins the multi-primary race and the nomination one of two things can happen. He will either split the Republican vote and someone like Hillary Clinton and her Socialist agenda take control or conservatives will grudgingly line up behind him and vote because after all he is better than the Antichrist. Rudy will have to grow some extra hair to cover that massive portion of frontal forehead he so prominently displays. On television I can watch the entire political debate on his head and that scares me.

John McCain- I like John McCain but he too read John Kerry's book on how to be a flip-flopper. He is twisting in the wind like a kite in the storm of public opinion and much like Hillary Clinton, doesn't think any of us notice. McCain has long in my estimation supported amnesty for illegal immigrants and that surely chaps a majority of conservative voters. On the other hand and the stronger hand, McCain understands the significance of the fight against warped and murdering fundamentalist Islamic Jihadists (enough adjectives?) and that puts him near the top as far as candidates touting strong national security goes. Sometimes I think he regresses back to the jungles of Vietnam where he so honorably served his country and sacrificed through his suffering as a POW. He is a true American hero but does that forced smile through clenched teeth alarm you like it does me? I can see him as President coming to a press briefing in the Rose Garden dressed in full battle fatigues and carrying an M-16 and a belt full of frag grenades. Couldn't you just see him lobbing a flash-bang in the direction of NBC's David Gregory during one of Gregory's biased and slanted interrogations of McCain at the podium? One word for you. Flashback.

Mitt Romney- Romney looks cast for the role of President straight out of a Hollywood talent agency. He is well spoken and apparently made some great strides as Governor of Massachusetts. A Republican governor in the belly of the liberal beast? He must have won the election on the afternoon of St. Patrick's Day or something. Romney carries two pieces of political baggage that will get heavier as he approaches the modern plethora of early primaries. He will be labeled by social conservatives as a Kerryesque "flip-flopper" on the issue of abortion. I supported it once but saw the light and now dislike it because it is unpopular with my party's base voters and so on and so forth. I think there is some genuine distaste among traditional Christians in that Romney adheres to Mormonism. As the campaign progresses I can bet his polygamy jokes in public will come to an end. Romney is still in the running.

Possibilities- Newt Gingrich (former House Speaker and brilliant man, a lot of trouble with a malfunctioning zipper though. Conservatives may not be able to support him if they practice what they preach).

Fred Thompson- Former Senator and current actor. It worked for Reagan didn't it? Thompson is a popular choice, is intelligent, and has experience. Besides if it got too bad under his rule, we could pretend it was just one of his movies.

DEMOCRATS-

Hillary Clinton- The very image of Hillary Clinton repulses me to the point of developing hives. In the interest of fairness and equality I will put those prejudices aside and report as accurately as I can. Hillary believes in a government so large it outnumbers the country's population. She once mentioned that capitalism cannot run "unfettered". Can anyone else say Karl Marx, Stalin, or Lenin? She wants to tax me more because she believes she can spend my money more wisely on issues she and her cronies deem more appropriate. The Democrats believe in sticking up for the little guy? I think she believes in sticking up the little guy for sure. Hillary like other hippie-era moral relativists believes in gay rights, gun control, and partial birth abortion or in more chic terms "womb vacuuming." I don't wish Hillary ill personally but do hope she develops a case of intestinal diarrhea so severe that she simply must leave the podium during debates to take care of the issue therefore relieving the public of being inundated by her smarmy tones.

Barack Hussein Obama- This is like voting for class president in high school. Barack is wealthy, handsome, and very well-spoken. Isn't it funny that rich nominees and candidates in this party always speak for the poor guy? Is he going to write all of us a check if elected or tax the people even more? Barack has no experience and a laundry list of supporters with questionable backgrounds. I think if Barack won the Presidency it would take him several months to find his way around basic government principles. He promotes dialogue and reactionary defense versus strength and pro action in this modern and very dangerous world. I hope he writes a book called, "My 18 Month Journey of Learning and Rise to the Top."

John Edwards- John looks too perfect to be President. John advocates taxes, cowardice abroad, and supports every abominable secular position on social issues just like the others in his party. John made his millions off the backs of those that make our economy tick and tells us there are two Americas. There is a rich America that he lives in and a poor America that I live in. He wants to help me by taking more of my taxes thus making me poorer and government richer. He will also decide who to forward my tax money to because he believes I am not capable of properly using the money I worked for. I doubt he will invite me to his palatial mansion to prove to me just how much he supports me. I don't think my old pickup with the dents in the side fits very well in the driveway at his home. I think his estate is so big you have to get a helicopter ride from the parking area to the front door. We saw his positions when he ran as Herman Munster's vice presidential candidate in 2004 and we know how that turned out. He is clearly a third place runner right now in George Soros' Democratic Party. Besides, I heard a news crew lost two cameras during an interview with Edwards when his dimples sucked two of the devices and their operators inside.

2008 Presidential Election Fatigue,,,,,Already.

DEMOLIBS:

Let us review for posterity shall we? The 2008 election is nearly two years away and the deluge begins. Keep reading, I'll make fun of some of the Republican candidates too. But as is my personal preference and tradition, I have to start with the Demolibs and I will make it trickle down (Reagan pun) from there.

As Gomer Pyle would say, "Surprise, surprise, surprise", Hillary Rodham Clinton announced her intention to seek the nomination for the White House via a warm and friendly fireside chat that found its way to her website. Doesn't she exude warmth and compassion? Yuck! It is kind of like letting a wolverine into your living room and asking it not to tear up the furniture or soil the carpet. Warmth and Hillary Clinton are mutually exclusive philosophical tenets. Every time I see her speak I medicate myself to control the impending autonomic gag reflex that inevitably ensues. She in no way shares an atom of the political prowess or magical elocution possessed by her morally corrupt husband. Let us agree, Bill Clinton could sell a Quran to a Methodist minister. She does share the Pelosian ability that allows her political flag to stiffen into whatever the current Beltway wind may be. Do not let her attempt to cuddle with you distract you from who Hillary Clinton is. She is about two hundred yards further left than Billy boy. This is a woman that supported legislation for late term and partial birth abortion until even the most disgusting elements in the child murder field became fidgety with the issue. Once the heat escalated, she backed away and turned the other cheek. Apparently she has no strength of conviction and that impunes any chances of sustaining integrity in the office of President. She promotes big government, high taxes, and income redistribution utilizing taxpayer dollars to fund entitlements including government run health care. Oh yeah, although her public tune may change she apparently maintains the personal opinion that womb vacuuming is tolerable.

John Edwards is really missing the boat. Why is this guy muddling about in politics instead of starring opposite Julia Roberts in Hollywood blockbusters? I forgot. He cares about you. He now dedicates his life to helping you and all the victims of misfortune get a fair shake. I mean he certainly has the background for it doesn't he? He made several lifetime fortunes suing corporations for their nastiness and latent harm committed against society at large. Oh yeah, a convenient by-product of such activity made him stinking rich. No problem there, I encourage capitalism. It just seems to me that the pot always calls the kettle black. Edwards claims there are two Americas, the haves and the have nots. Isn't it a little creepy that Edwards clamors and denigrates the very system that made him wealthy from the lanai of his multi-million dollar palatial estate? A high powered lawyer and politician that claims to understand and feel the pain of the common man. Oh yeah, he grew up as a less fortunate kid. Instead of hailing America as the place where dreams come true, he wants to change it like all liberals do by punishing those that achieve success and taking their earned money through government control and redistributing it to many who could care less.

Bill Richardson is the governor of New Mexico and a former Clinton cabinet member. He is pro environment which in liberal terms equates to the cessation of economic activity and a return to a foraging and agrarian economy like the Hopi's utilized. He is pro-amnesty and would probably pay good government money for illegal immigrants to storm the country. I do not like this guy.

Barack Obama, the African American rock star. He has no experience at all. He probably still gets lost in Washington between his parking spot and the Capitol building. He is photogenic and well spoken. If that is where we set the bar for electing Presidents, why not really change up the system? If experience, including life experience no longer fits into the equation, let's nominate George Clooney and perhaps a cartoon character like Bugs Bunny to serve as the vice presidential nominee. Bugs never got caught once by the coyote or the martian or Yosemite Sam. That ability could prove invaluable in waging a war against global terrorism.

Evan Bayh, don't know him. Tom Vilsack, don't know him. Al Gore's global warming apparently cooked his cranium and he carries far too much Clintonian baggage anyway. Besides, every time he talks he proves to me that he really is an android from a Lucas film.

REPUBLICRATS:

Sam Brownback, U.S. Senator from Kansas, is probably the best choice for us neocons unless too many skeletons fall out of his closet. He supports small government, low taxes, anti-gay legislation, and stands against abortion. I hope against hope his camp can generate some steam. I hate to contemplate the political reality that dictates him moving to the center during the course of a campaign.

John McCain is clearly a front-runner. I like his temper but he seems unstable at times and almost flashbacky. McCain has the foreign policy experience, probably hates radical Muslims, and could easily blow back Nancy Pelosi's stiff hairdo. McCain does not receive support from me yet because he stands against the basic roots of problems in our country. He is pro-amnesty, pro-gay, and wishy washy on Christian principles that have guided this country for years. He may have more of an uphill battle than he thinks.

Mitt Romney is the sleeper Republican. He has made progress in Massachusetts, yes MA. He is working on health care, opposes Rosie O' Donnellian behavior, and seems fairly tough on military issues. If he is a fiscal conservative, he deserves some attention. I can't write more because he hasn't really stepped into the spotlight so to speak.

Rudy Giuliani deserves some attention because of his control of New York after the 9/11 terrorist attacks. The praise stops there. Giuliani will not win the primary unless Republican voters sniff thousands of gallons of glue the night before the primary election. Giuliani is a closet Clintonite. He is pro-gay, pro-choice, and therefore anti-morality. Being a fiscal conservative and tough on terrorism doesn't cut it if you abandon the issues so important to the moral fabric of a country and the stewards of the conservative movement.

At any rate, take the candidates and their words with a grain of salt. Let's elect someone not on what they say but on what they've done in their past public service and private lives.