Sunday, May 20, 2007

The 2008 Frontrunners, It's Either Fun or Tedious


Rudolph Giuliani- Rudy leads the pack in the race to romance Republican voters after President Bush and the previous Congress destroyed the opportunity to hold its power base after the 2006 mid-term elections. According to the mainstream media, the Republicans failed to make significant gains against global terror in the great goat paradise known as the Middle East so a power shift ensued. Rudy will not easily sway the "far right" because of his pro-abortion, gay rights, and gun control stances. There is a school of thought that believes his social leanings may bring in some independents and moderate swing voters. The sale of souls to the Devil begins! If Rudy wins the multi-primary race and the nomination one of two things can happen. He will either split the Republican vote and someone like Hillary Clinton and her Socialist agenda take control or conservatives will grudgingly line up behind him and vote because after all he is better than the Antichrist. Rudy will have to grow some extra hair to cover that massive portion of frontal forehead he so prominently displays. On television I can watch the entire political debate on his head and that scares me.

John McCain- I like John McCain but he too read John Kerry's book on how to be a flip-flopper. He is twisting in the wind like a kite in the storm of public opinion and much like Hillary Clinton, doesn't think any of us notice. McCain has long in my estimation supported amnesty for illegal immigrants and that surely chaps a majority of conservative voters. On the other hand and the stronger hand, McCain understands the significance of the fight against warped and murdering fundamentalist Islamic Jihadists (enough adjectives?) and that puts him near the top as far as candidates touting strong national security goes. Sometimes I think he regresses back to the jungles of Vietnam where he so honorably served his country and sacrificed through his suffering as a POW. He is a true American hero but does that forced smile through clenched teeth alarm you like it does me? I can see him as President coming to a press briefing in the Rose Garden dressed in full battle fatigues and carrying an M-16 and a belt full of frag grenades. Couldn't you just see him lobbing a flash-bang in the direction of NBC's David Gregory during one of Gregory's biased and slanted interrogations of McCain at the podium? One word for you. Flashback.

Mitt Romney- Romney looks cast for the role of President straight out of a Hollywood talent agency. He is well spoken and apparently made some great strides as Governor of Massachusetts. A Republican governor in the belly of the liberal beast? He must have won the election on the afternoon of St. Patrick's Day or something. Romney carries two pieces of political baggage that will get heavier as he approaches the modern plethora of early primaries. He will be labeled by social conservatives as a Kerryesque "flip-flopper" on the issue of abortion. I supported it once but saw the light and now dislike it because it is unpopular with my party's base voters and so on and so forth. I think there is some genuine distaste among traditional Christians in that Romney adheres to Mormonism. As the campaign progresses I can bet his polygamy jokes in public will come to an end. Romney is still in the running.

Possibilities- Newt Gingrich (former House Speaker and brilliant man, a lot of trouble with a malfunctioning zipper though. Conservatives may not be able to support him if they practice what they preach).

Fred Thompson- Former Senator and current actor. It worked for Reagan didn't it? Thompson is a popular choice, is intelligent, and has experience. Besides if it got too bad under his rule, we could pretend it was just one of his movies.


Hillary Clinton- The very image of Hillary Clinton repulses me to the point of developing hives. In the interest of fairness and equality I will put those prejudices aside and report as accurately as I can. Hillary believes in a government so large it outnumbers the country's population. She once mentioned that capitalism cannot run "unfettered". Can anyone else say Karl Marx, Stalin, or Lenin? She wants to tax me more because she believes she can spend my money more wisely on issues she and her cronies deem more appropriate. The Democrats believe in sticking up for the little guy? I think she believes in sticking up the little guy for sure. Hillary like other hippie-era moral relativists believes in gay rights, gun control, and partial birth abortion or in more chic terms "womb vacuuming." I don't wish Hillary ill personally but do hope she develops a case of intestinal diarrhea so severe that she simply must leave the podium during debates to take care of the issue therefore relieving the public of being inundated by her smarmy tones.

Barack Hussein Obama- This is like voting for class president in high school. Barack is wealthy, handsome, and very well-spoken. Isn't it funny that rich nominees and candidates in this party always speak for the poor guy? Is he going to write all of us a check if elected or tax the people even more? Barack has no experience and a laundry list of supporters with questionable backgrounds. I think if Barack won the Presidency it would take him several months to find his way around basic government principles. He promotes dialogue and reactionary defense versus strength and pro action in this modern and very dangerous world. I hope he writes a book called, "My 18 Month Journey of Learning and Rise to the Top."

John Edwards- John looks too perfect to be President. John advocates taxes, cowardice abroad, and supports every abominable secular position on social issues just like the others in his party. John made his millions off the backs of those that make our economy tick and tells us there are two Americas. There is a rich America that he lives in and a poor America that I live in. He wants to help me by taking more of my taxes thus making me poorer and government richer. He will also decide who to forward my tax money to because he believes I am not capable of properly using the money I worked for. I doubt he will invite me to his palatial mansion to prove to me just how much he supports me. I don't think my old pickup with the dents in the side fits very well in the driveway at his home. I think his estate is so big you have to get a helicopter ride from the parking area to the front door. We saw his positions when he ran as Herman Munster's vice presidential candidate in 2004 and we know how that turned out. He is clearly a third place runner right now in George Soros' Democratic Party. Besides, I heard a news crew lost two cameras during an interview with Edwards when his dimples sucked two of the devices and their operators inside.


mt sister said...

I too develop hives at the thought of Mrs. Billy Clinton and her evil eyes. I don't even have the words to describe how I feel about her so I'm glad you can speak for me. And I'm sure all the developmentally slow liberal folks who voted Mr. Bill Clinton into office because of his sexy saxophone playing will be running to the booths to vote for Obamas flashy smile. God help us.

Fecal McStool said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

I guess politics are the same all over the world - Your comments here fits certain Norwegian politicians as well :/

Fecal McStool said...

I like to talk about stool.