Friday, December 28, 2007

More Middle Eastern Peace and Harmony

How bad does it have to get if you're a minority supporter of the now deceased and recently embalmed Ms. Bhutto? I mean you spend all day herding goats through lifeless craters and a geographic nothingness that makes the surface of the moon seem tropical and cozy. You adhere to a culture driven by zealots and crazy fundamentalists and as faithful supporters, you and Youseffs like you only hop frantically in the streets in the vapors of a foul cultural aftermath, alive or dead desperately searching for something that might be real even if Ms. Bhutto really was not real. The whole Middle East is such a drowning cesspool of filth and disgust isolated from growth or belief in a future thanks to the adherence and belief in a false religion which best suits the 5th century.
And to top it off, she dies completely accidentally. Some crazy homicide bomber straps it on, fires a few shots, and blows himself to hell in several small chunks but doesn't kill his target. Instead she dies from a skull fracture inflicted by a sunroof lever, inflicted upon taking cover from this crazy killer. I'm all for trying to see celebrities but in the Middle East I might think twice. "No Ahmed, I'd like to see her but I think I'll just stay here in the room and enjoy my goat burger while watching Al-Jazeera." What a crazy place.

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Children at Risk

"And a little child shall lead them." Some of the horrible news bytes regarding the reprehensible treatment of children drifted across the nation's airwaves this past week. Don't get me wrong, they didn't receive as much airplay as did animal cruelty cases but they received an eighth the time so I guess that is progress. Is it just me or should some people simply be barred from reproducing because they are too selfish, irresponsible, or flat unable to care for a young child in a way that would promote stability and happiness and a productive future for this child? I fully understand that children are most at risk in our society and any civilized culture and democratic government must step in to help save "at risk" kids but can't we recoup from shabby parents the costs associated with their irresponsibility?

Too many times children come along as the result of an adults sexual greed and the cesspool of moral relativism promoting this accepted behavior in our society costs all of us dearly but usually no more than it costs the future of a child. If the taxpaying public must take over for the physical, emotional, and psychological development of the child the ignorant parent(s) should be required to pay us back the FDR way. I want to see them cleaning public toilets, removing weeds and debris from public canals with a shovel and rake, or perhaps spit-shining public sidewalks and roadways with a bucket and brush. These activities have to take place on their time and their dime and not ours.

How many times have you heard the story of a child being seriously injured or dying as the result of being left inside of a vehicle strapped tightly into their seat on a hot July afternoon? The news quote usually reads like this, "I forgot that he or she was in the car." You have to have the most selfish nature in the entire solar system to sputter this ignorant response to law enforcement and emergency response personnel as they remove the lifeless form of a child from an environment that you were responsible to provide them care in. That child strapped into that seat was your only REAL responsibility that day and you forgot? Drag these stupid deadbeats and parental impostors from the scene of the CRIME and lock them into a tanning bed with my aftermarket bacon-curing thermostat attached and see how you feel after about three hours. If you make it you might learn a lesson and if you don't you didn't deserve any better.

How about the guy giving the 10 month old girl a bath. She balked at having water poured over her head to finish the bathing process so he put her in a clothes dryer, shut the door, and turned it on. In cases this obvious the police, neighbors, or any passersby that could ascertain the facts this easily should be allowed by law to proceed with the following steps.

1. Take copious notes during the interview process with this animal. His responses will probably sound something like this, "Ah, yeah I wanted to wash the soap out of her hair but she cried and I couldn't get her hair dry so I thought the dryer must work."

2. Nod in agreement to affirm that you in fact understand his logic from that intellectual perspective and that he must have been at wit's end having been stumped and stymied by a 10 month old baby.

3. Tell him you'd like to move the interview process to a garage, storage shed, or barn as applicable to your particular situation and crush his skull with the largest shovel or blunt instrument at your disposal. Continue until he is no longer able to decide why he put a 10 month old baby in a clothes dryer. If you are unable to decide as to a proper disposal of a worthless carcass, transport it to Michael Vick's pit bull kennels as I'm sure those dogs haven't eaten in awhile.

The terrible predator (Couey) in Florida that terrorized, raped and buried Jessica Lunsford alive was sentenced to death in court this past week. He admitted to doing what he did but as is our process in this slow and skeptical criminal justice system in America, he may live out his natural life in a prison cell wasting our resources so that he can be fed, clothed, and sheltered while his state-appointed attorneys bilk the American taxpayer for more money in his defense during an appeals process. Quite a system, right? At any rate, when a lifelong predator and scumbag does not contest the state's allegations against him, save us some money and give the family some closure post haste. After the judge verbally advises Couey that he has been sentenced to death as Couey stares blankly with that stupid and lifeless expression, a well-oiled trap door opens beneath his chair. The drop occurs so fast the last image television cameras capture is his hair standing straight up as he plunges into the depths. Waiting for him at the bottom of his fall is a very soft, comfortable, and cushy air bag. Just when he thinks that he's survived this treacherous fall, two gates above him and to the side open and bury him with tons of earth excavated from the very yard where he buried Jessica alive. His well-deserved screams are muffled by the pungent dirt choking him into oblivion. "An eye for an eye." The older I get the more I enjoy rereading the Old Testament.

Monday, August 13, 2007

An Old Family Photograph

This blog entry goes out to my Aunt Vonnie over in Circle with my sincerest apologies for not blogging in the recent past. For those of you interested in the identities besides Vonnie and me, her children are on my grandmother's knee and directly in front of her right knee while Aunt Judy's children are situated upon my grandfather's right knee and directly in front of it. The cute little blond guy on Grandpa's left knee is the author composing this piece. I am not sure why my gaze seems to be drifting somewhere out into space but I'm either developing my now current fear of crowds or more than likely I just committed a "doodle" in my snappy polyester leisure pants that my mother had so much fondness for. Dear God I was always dressed like Bobo the circus monkey as a child but mother always reminds me that it was "stylish" in those days. Combine my pants with that bowl haircut and I make the perfect poster boy for a tour guide of the upper Appalachians and its numerous banjo festivals. Do take note of the cowboy boots because THAT would make grandpa proud. He was as western and bronc tough as it gets so I think the boots gave me the pass to crawl aboard his knee. He would have preferred we wear western snap shirts though.
Check out my grandmother's menacing stare directed towards Melissa Marie in her infant state. Grandma had little patience for screaming grandchildren until they reached their teenage years. There is a photo of her holding each of her grand kids with this look and thank God for her that child protective services was in its infancy stages during those years. I think she commonly locked several of us under the age of 8 away in a basement at times because quite frankly it simply drove her nuts. It still shocks me that little Melissa is a grown up mother herself with two great kids of her own. It is a little sad that Melissa's kids are well-behaved because Melissa and brother Ross certainly weren't. In high school Ross was the smartest guy I knew and always the guy in control at parties and other gatherings of miscreant behavior. Ross never lost control or poise; he simply watched and laughed as others did. Their sister LeeAnn was always sweet and just enough older than me that I don't remember many of her mischievous deeds as a youngster.
Next to me on Grandpa's right knee is my cousin Jeff. He too appears to be intellectually enthralled with the moment and cannot wait to scamper away from the picture. Annette is the auburn-haired girl in front of Grandpa's right knee. She is the oldest of the grand kids and as I remember the best behaved and certainly the most poised and quiet. This photo must have been snapped only a month or two before the birth of Jeff and Annette's sister Jody. Jody and Melissa are in the same class and we must have just missed her for this picture. My sister Tara was a year from coming into the picture as well. It seemed like a kid producing competition for a couple of years. Can you imagine Grandma's mood if she had to hold two infants on her lap? I believe that's a photo that may have never happened. Ross would have to sit near me and a physical altercation surely would have commenced. We are in the same graduating class as well but take note of my far superior level of class and sophistication. Ross is wearing a diaper with no pants on! How embarrassing! Even more sad for Vonnie is the fact that Ross still moves through public like that to this day. If you ever gaze upon a lean cowboy astride a dusty sorrel in the Deer Lodge valley and note that the rider is well outfitted except for a pair of Wranglers gone amiss, that's my cousin Ross. Don't bother telling him he's not wearing pants because we think he likes it that way.
Later (in the 80's) Uncle Tom and LeRoy's kids came along. Tom had three boys and LeRoy a girl and boy respectively. If Grandma had to manage this bunch at one time I'll guarantee you you'd see a bevy of Keystone Light cans littering the floor as the edge was taken off. My Mom and Dad added a little chimp (Brittany) in 1983 and Aunt Judy added Trevor around 1989.
Grandpa passed in 1984 and Grandma in March 2007. It's interesting to look at this old photograph with nostalgia and even more interesting to look at the lives and history of those in the picture complete with each individuals progression through the years. We are a close family and I would dare to say closer than a lot of families I've observed over the years. As I grow older it becomes more important to me and I'm grateful for all of them. I just wish we could get Ross to put some pants on in public!

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

How Going "Green" Will Only Cost You Green

Before we all start jumping around for joy because we're saving the planet and boosting economies with ethanol production, cool your jets for just a second and consider the following.
As corn prices rise many people don't understand that there is no surplus of corn; in fact on a global level there is a corn shortage until 2009 according to "experts." Second, to reduce our dependence on foreign oil through ethanol production and use, we'd basically have to plant every square acre of the United States to corn. I'm talking about corn planted on boulevards, window sills, rooftops, and perhaps the bald heads of those of us with male pattern baldness.
"Hey Bill, how do I get to the convenience store?"
"Just stay on the right side of the center row of corn on 16th Street and turn into row 3000 of corn on what used to be Maple Ave., it's in there somewhere."
Economic development would cease because it would infringe on corn acreage. There wouldn't be room to grow other crops or animals used for meat. You'd enter a restaurant and order the following:
"I would like a corn steak, medium gooey, some corn fry wedges, a side of corn, and to drink I'd like a corn slurpee."
It simply is unfeasible.
What about ranchers and feedlot operators that have relied on corn for eons (that's centuries to you and me) to feed their critters? Feed prices go up and then the price of beef goes up benefiting everyone from the rancher to the monopolized slaughter industry and the consumer gets the shaft. Hey, maybe those animal rights activists are really behind the ethanol movement. Sounds like a good mystery novel. Remember, your government heavily subsidizes corn producers but most of the consumers who have the least to spend on a fixed budget take the hit. Government entitlement programs or "ag welfare" programs as I call them never benefit you and your family at home unless you're the proprietor of a large corporate farming operation.
Ethanol production is wasteful. Most of the corn used in generating ethanol is WASTED. It is an extremely inefficient process. Grow more corn, jack prices up, and then waste most of it during an abysmal production process. Bio-fuels do not burn efficiently and react less cooperatively within the fuel systems of internal combustion engines. This I know for a fact. In cold operating temperatures fuel filters tend to suffer because the end product isn't as cleanly refined as petroleum products are. And to top it all off, you're going to pay as much or more at the pumps for ethanol as you are for petroleum.
Ethanol isn't the answer to our energy problems. A lot of the blame rests with our government. Fossil fuel combustion technologies were abandoned for years instead of the focused intent necessary to find cleaner ways to burn the fuels. Nobody wants to unhook us from the dependence on crazy Middle Eastern oil fanatics more than I do. Blame your own government for the mess when we abandoned domestic exploration in the late 70's. Blame fuel producers for failing to invest in their infrastructure. Do you know there has not been a domestic refinery built in nearly 20 years? There isn't near as much of a fuel shortage as they want you to believe because by failing to invest in new refineries oil companies can control the supply side of the supply/demand issue. It isn't as much a shortage issue as it is a supply issue.
Improve technologies, utilize ethanol as a supplement, and require your government to work in your best interest not in the interest of those building their power base behind closed doors in the Capitol in Washington. I'll bet they have little knowledge of the overall processes involved anyway.
Well I have to get, I have to water the garden and the corn is coming along nicely.

Friday, July 06, 2007

To Be or Not To Be a Worry Wart

I've never really been a big fan of stabilizing my life with man's pharmaceutical inventions but lately I've been wondering if the things I think about a lot need a dose of Prozac or perhaps I just need a swift kick in the butt to put things in perspective. Yeah, I know. I need the latter.

1. Global Warming- It's supposed to be 103 degrees here today and that would set a new record for this date. I must apologize to Al Gore because I thought he was a fraud rather than the savior of mankind. But alas wait. Global warming as he describes it is still an alarmist make you crawl under the bed and hide hoax. The Earth was warmer during the Medieval Period long before the manufacturing industry began spewing sulfur and carbon dioxide skyward in a dastardly attempt to ruin the Earth by providing jobs and economic growth so that ordinary people could survive. The earth's temperatures have risen infintismally since the 1970's "mini Ice Age" but neither Gore or his cronies will debate if man's contributions to carbon dioxide emissions actually affects the less than 1 degree rise in temperatures. He doesn't want to answer the tough questions because the republic's whole purchase of his theory in lock, stock, and barrel fashion would seriously erode his power base and thirst for "Global Popularity." At any rate, to those of you hopelessly hanging on every word Al says, just get a kiddie pool and fill it with 2 to 3 inches of water. The crisis will pass I promise.

2. What Illegal Immigration Side Effects?- While the dismal failure of our elected leaders in Washington continues to cause a slight rash on my posterior, it is their failure specifically to address border security that causes the most severe cardiac palpitations. Get a taste of how stupid we really are. An illegal immigrant is arrested twice for felonies. The arresting agencies do not make contact with Customs or Immigration. It gets better. He is released. Oh yeah, then he goes and kills a deputy sheriff in Wisconsin. Yes, all illegal immigrants are direct descendants of Mother Theresa and only want to be part of our culture. At this rate we might as well give up and concede defeat. I think maybe we all should start learning how to speak Arabic or Chinese. As weak as we've become as a society it is only a matter of time before a focused power topples us like a moldy wedding cake.

3. George Bush, a boob- Yeah I said it. I'm a conservative but not a lap dog for the Republican Party and I do try to think for myself. Why doesn't everyone else in mainstream media circles try it just for fun? What you don't hear is that every other liberal presidential candidate seeking the White House in 2008 maintains a large "boob" factor too. We have Hillary Clinton the antichrist. She can't wear short skirts anymore because her handlers are afraid the fact she is more endowed than her crooked husband may be exposed during a press conference when she insists on attempting to crucify someone else's regional accent. Barack Obama is a cartoon with no idea on how to sell you on his lack of experience. "Barack Bob Shiny Pants" is fitting I think. Bush didn't have any real experience either except that his father did occupy the post rather quietly for four years. Mitt Romney is strange like that weird "petting" uncle you once had. Republican hopeful John McCain maintains a clenched grimace and a "Charlie's coming in from the jungle" flashback smile that may result in the gunning down of at least three NBC reporters before the primary season ends. David Gregory, I suggest you remain seated in the chair at the rear of the press gathering. The point is to think for yourself and believe nothing you hear on network news or read in the papers. Subscribe to the New York Times or the L.A. Times only if you can't find a reasonable sale on toilet paper elsewhere. Watch the news and read the papers for entertainment purposes only. Reporting the news in a fair and accurate fashion died in the early to mid sixties and it is gone for good. Form your own opinions and do your own research utilizing the melon atop your shoulders. Consider modern news in the same league with "Desperate Housewives."

4. Pet Abusers- I know that pets are animals and have their place of importance somewhere far below the human level but good Lord. Some guy named something like Pompeii Geraldo Rodriguez Lupi Javier Rodriguez Rodriguez dragged a puppy alongside his SUV until stopped by police. Let's call the guy Bill. So anyway Bill drags an innocent creature, just a pup no less, until it is nearly dead. When stopped he is asked if he is going to take the animal to be treated for its injuries and he says no. He is arrested and taken to a jail where at this hour he is probably watching HBO in the cell on the taxpayer dime. If Bill can do this to a harmless puppy, just think of what he could do to a human with interactive social and cognitive skills. He could really think of something abusive to do to it. I'm not in it because I care anything about the animal rights movement but beware of those that take great joy in being cruel to innocent animals. They tend to be even more violent to humans with functioning brains. When I was a cop he was the kind of guy I wanted to get the facts from, handcuff, and leash to the back of my SUV for a little session along a dirt road and maybe a safflower field. I think I lacked the compassion to be voted most "inspirational officer."

Sunday, July 01, 2007

As If I Didn't Have Enough to Worry About

The house above is used as a representation only. The crackheads that live next door to me do not live in this house although they may have at one time. WARNING: If you are a crackhead or smackhead, do not read the following article.

As if life wasn't stressful enough. We fight to make a living and make our own way coasting from paycheck to paycheck as the searing heat of summer casts the neighborhood into an oppressive haze. Paris Hilton may be emotionally damaged for life after her days spent in the cuckoo section of an L.A. jail's medical ward and I have no idea if she received my get well card. I haven't won the lottery and as a result have been unable to find any way to support myself at any type of beach home on the Hawaiian coast. I don't have any rich relatives willing to support me in a lifestyle to which I would like to become accustomed. My wife's cucumber and tomato plants suffer greatly at the hands of rebel bird and bug forces determined to storm the garden's borders. She worked hard on that garden and much to my chagrin I can testify to the old axiom which states that if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy, no matter how big or little the conundrum.

To top it off, Hispanic gangsters have moved in next door and created the "Crackhead Inn." They are loud, disrespectful, filthy, and involved in a criminal enterprise having more than a little to do with what I allege to be narcotics distribution. They all have "cool" tattoos and beautiful cars worth more than the shack they now inhabit. I guess shiny rims make the man. They must compete in contests to see who can achieve the most stupid haircut in the history of mankind. Some have a little hair and then a bald spot and then a pony tail. Many of them copied the beanie craze of the early nineties but wear them with thinner more summer friendly materials. They look even more ridiculous to see them in person. They have one or two illegitimate children shrieking through the yard at all hours but they do break from their drug activities long enough to run to the all night McDonald's to purchase the hopeless welp a "Happy Meal." I guess it's different city and same pointless subculture.

Let's see, they are dealing dope or have the greatest big screen TV in the history of our city. At least 20 different vehicles and 40 different individuals stop by to check it out and leave inside of ten minutes. Oh yeah, they all carry a duffel bag or sack inside and leave with it. I hardly ever take my duffel bag over to a friend's house to watch a game. Thank God the police have been called and responded over 20 times. The "gangstas" next door think their polite demeanor towards the men and women in blue passes for good citizenry and deflects any of the suspicions police may have when they arrive. Too bad the police know and we know that to develop any type of cause for a criminal case there must be surveillance, activity logs, and detailed reports compiled to develop probable cause. And too bad for them, there is. So the next time one of the Mexican Mafia shouts towards my bedroom window in a drunken Spanish stupor, I can only smile at the fact that it is only a matter of time before he'll be worrying about dropping the soap. One more tirade like the one at 4:00 this morning and I'll intentionally provoke them. I'll fly the Mexican flag at half-mast and upside down. I mean let's be honest, they already wear their pants at half mast and most of them would probably be surprised to know that there are a lot of military and police retirees within their proximity that really aren't scared of a good fight. Some of us old boys are actually trained to shoot back.

It should be a great summer.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Bad Decisions Lead to Chaos and Tragedy

It seems two stories involving the murder of wives/lovers and children by fathers/lovers verify suspicions that our society finds itself infested by moral decay. Both men have been arrested and charged with the murders of their children and in one case a spouse and in the other a female mistress. They are innocent until proven guilty but let's proceed with the discussion from the standpoint of if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck it is probably a duck.
The body of Jesse Davis was found on Saturday in the remote woods of a park 25 miles from her home in Canton, OH. A married police officer, Bobby Cutts, Jr. is the father of the unborn child in the deceased woman's womb and thus he has been charged with two counts of murder. As I understand it he is also the father of a two year old that apparently watched the murder take place, allegedly at the hands of his own father. Media interviews have rightly captured the tormented family's grief and suffering at wondering to what end their loved one succumbed to. It is simply gruesome to visualize a father killing his lover and unborn child in front of his two year old and then leaving the child in the home. But why did she have not one but two children with a man that apparently was proud of popping out children and walking away from them as if they were unwanted pets? What in the hell was wrong with her? She chose to have children with a deadbeat and the results of her terrible decision making equals death and a lifetime of chaos for her living child. Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson rant against bimbo Paris Hilton's special treatment but abandon their own and fail to call for responsibility in what has become a fatherless culture based on selfish moral relativism. The lack of accountability eats us from the inside out yet the media and politicians strive for legislating morals and principles out of daily discourse. I'm telling you, it's the fall of the Roman Empire all over again.
How about the white guy that pulls over on a frontage road and kills his wife and children, leaves the murder weapon at the scene, and flags down a motorist telling them his family just got killed. It wouldn't take a very seasoned investigator to smell a rat in the first 12 seconds of this investigation. They killed your family and left the gun but miracuously you escaped and preserved evidence for us. There shouldn't even be a trial in this case. The only way this idiot escapes justice is if a liberal appeals court throws out his conviction because the cops put his handcuffs on too tight or if the jailer provided him with only one blanket instead of two prior to sentencing. Before a public hanging of this horror of a man, I would recommend the public return of caning so he can feel his flesh burn just like his family felt the searing of the bullets in their bodies. Can you imagine the shock and horror in the children's eyes as they watched their father prepare to murder them? The all-American family with a nice home, income, and life uprooted by sociopathic rage. What do you bet there was another woman involved? I am sure that short of this man being a blood brother to Ted Bundy there was some selfish motive and irresponsible desire that he allowed to consume him.
Nothing that could happen to these two despicable (if found guilty of course and blah, blah, blah after much waste of taxpayer time and money) human beings equals what waits for them beyond their own graves. I hope they like the heat.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Love Those New Neighbors!!!

What ever happened to the words respect and responsibility? I think that they have been removed from the dictionary in the last 40 years.

We have some new neighbors and boy are they testing the whole neighborhood. It only takes one household on the block to make life miserable for the whole neighborhood.

It is nice that the Neighborhood Watch program was developed in the past years in the bigger cities. It gives people a chance to know who and what kind of people are living in the area. It provides a sense of security knowing that others are watching out for any unwanted activity too.

When you work hard to keep your property looking nice and your new neighbors just let the yard go and let the trash built up it is sad. It just makes your property look run down too. You mow the lawn, water and try to keep your yard weed free and they don't..... There is a large plastic water bottle that has been lying at the curb for a week now and they are too lazy to put it in the garbage. They smoke and park in front of my property, therefore I get the privilage of sweeping up all their cigarette butts that they dump out on my front curb.

I have been without sleep since they bought the property. There is always more activity there after midnight than there is all day. They sit out all night and drink and the more they drink the louder they get. I am sure that isn't all that is taking place because there are way too many people coming and going all night long. The average person doesn't have that many people visit their home in a month let alone one day. So what does that tell you? Illegal Activity? I am sure there is.... I am just waiting for the right sign.

All the guys next door that come and go dress with the baggy pants that are about to fall off, skull caps and none are caucasion. I know that one of the people that comes there is of a Mexican gang that is well known in the city. They have been associated with shootings and a murder lately.

They all drive newer model vehicles that are in the higher price range. I bet only one that I have seen has dent in it. There are vehicles there that are licensed from three different states. Isn't it interesting that they all know one another?

Then there is the issue of the child. The little boy is awake and up with them most of the time. He is running around outside and playing until after midnight. Maybe I am a little old fashioned but I don't think that is a healthy environment for a child. I am watching....

Now is this the kind of neighbor you want?

This is only Week #1!!!!

It is going to be a long summer I can tell.......

Signed..... Mrs. Montana Conservative

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Ghost Stories

I am beginning the book on hauntings, some of it will be creative fiction and other stories within the compilation will be based on stories related to me by real people with real experiences. Exciting isn't it! I was shocked to learn how many people and families had old ghost stories that circulated over the years and became a legend.

What I would like from people reading the blog is if they'd take one minute and leave me a comment if they can recall any ghost stories and strange happenings within their family. Maybe you or someone you know had a strange encounter at a cemetery or recently purchased home. Just take a minute and leave a comment or an entire story I don't care. The book consists of several short stories so who knows, your story might find publication. I may add to it or "round" it out as they say but if the story is good enough, you'll have no doubt it's yours when you read it.

I can tell you from some of the stories already written down that real people have had bizarre and "haunted" encounters. Whether or not you remain a scientific skeptic is up to you but to the people I've spoken to, there is no doubt that what they related to me is very real. I'm hoping that when the book is done you'll have no idea which of the elements are related to me as true and which I've taken an artist's license with. I look forward to hearing from you and thanks in advance.


Thursday, June 07, 2007

Insurance or Extortion

Insurance policies often read like the pompous legal jargon drafted by Supreme Court clerks. "Whereat thou art hither informed whereas lessor fore gos subsequent liability for actions unintended by insurer's payee. Hallelujah" You can certainly catch my drift. You can hire an expensive attorney to interpret the worthless ambiguities or simply accept the policy's terms as stated regardless of the hidden surprises contained within. The major insurance companies in this country exist for one reason and one reason only. They make billions ripping us off and our government protects them and encourages that behavior.

What happens when you buy a vehicle and are forced to insure it for the amount stated in the retail installment contract? Unless you buy an ADDITIONAL gap policy to cover any deficiencies, the insurance company pays you according to their interpretations of fair market value if you sustain a total loss. Your pickup may be a 2007 but the insurance company is basing their numbers on a comparable model produced in 1946. You may owe $20,000.00 on your vehicle but guess what Jack, you're getting a check for half that much.

On your home owner's policy you better damn well insure your contents above and beyond the basic parameters listed in the meat of your policy. An act of God can cost you thousands. Let's say a rogue swarm of locusts invades the interior of your home and soils all the contents in your home. Your policy won't cover it unless you pay more for a separate contents insurance policy. Even then the company probably won't pay for the damages unless they get through to God on the first ring.

Don't you love getting quotes from insurance agents? They quote you $120.00 per month over the phone and when your bill arrives it usually adds up to much more. They conveniently left out items like "other" charges, "other" premiums, and servicing fees. How about the roof on your house? You faithfully pay home owner's premiums for 20 years and two hail storms in the last 10 years forced you to replace your roof twice. Your premiums and deductibles are going through the roof mister man. Insurance companies believe YOU are responsible for not only the storm destroying your property but also your failure to design some sort of invisible shield around your home protecting it from harm. Insurance companies are there to help you as long as you pay your premiums on time, accept outrageous deductibles, and ask no pertinent questions. When it comes time for them to pay a claim and put their money where their mouth is, expect well written denials capable of interpretation from only Perry Mason or Chief Justice John Roberts. Most insurance companies will continue to deny legitimate claims because they know you do not possess the financial means to take them on. They simply wait you out until you limp away with tail tucked firmly between your legs.

I for one enjoy paying increased premiums so that people living in high risk hurricane areas and flood ravaged lowlands can get plenty of practice building their homes over and over and over again. Insurance companies keep insuring them because it's their ancestral land and they WANT to live there. They pay exorbinant premiums and you pay increased premiums because it's just so cool for them to live on the Gulf Coast. It seems quite a smart view of reality doesn't it?

Now the government wants to socialize healthcare even more than it is already. That's good news. Let Washington D.C. get involved in the cesspool of modern health coverages because Congress and government in general is such an efficient and wise old sage at spending taxpayer money. I can't wait to see those results.

Look at what trucking companies pay to be ripped off by insurance providers and government regulators. One tractor-trailer combination costs an operator around $650.00 per month and this is justified because "government" studies determine them to be a high risk venture. A few crappy studies based on junk science force these operators to pay criminal premiums so that highway and vehicle inspectors have a concrete rationalization for maintaining their smug arrogance in inspecting and fining the operators for even more greenbacks. Meanwhile, an 80 year old man in a 40 foot motorhome passes the weigh scale at 75 miles per hour pulling a boat and second trailer full of Geritol. Not only does he not possess a commercial driver's license but he gets insurance breaks because he'll be dead soon and insurance companies are happy to bilk him too until the bitter end. Are you really worried about "large vehicle" safety? Why don't you ask regulators in your state how many school busses are equipped with safety belts for the children riding on them? At last check the number was about 20%. Insurance is about money and so is a government's view on protecting you by harrassing and criminally regulating commercial operators that drive our economy. Meanwhile, a government venture like an unsafe school bus gets a free pass. The next time you see a safety inspector "protecting you" from unsafe equipment remember the government and insurance companies are happy to jump into bed together. Safety in America is spelled MONEY.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

America: The Good and the Bad

We are all so lucky to be able to call America home and enjoy the freedoms provided by our dominant military structure and our representative democracy. These heroic men and women fight and spill blood not only for quantified results like the protection of our soil but they also fight for the ideals of freedom and justice. Just remember the next time a soldier falls and a news anchor laments the reasons for a soldier's death and uses the news to make a shameful political point. These men and women are fighting for something they believe is far more important than a single life. Even on foreign soil thousands of miles from the comfort of the home hearth, those ideals make the sacrifice worth the risk in their eyes.

In America we are free to come and go as we please and cross state lines without fear of unwanted interference from rogue police units. We are free to worship in any way we see fit, follow any political persuasion we like, and are able to read or view any of the myriad of free press offerings available to us. In some states like mine the 2nd Amendment allows us to keep and bear arms for the protection of our families and possessions. We are free to engage in commerce and economic capitalism provides us with ample opportunities to earn for our families, acquire wealth, own a home, and live the American Dream. If we work hard and strive to remain educated, the sky is literally the limit.

Yes there is a downside and sadly it seems we are destined to initiate our great country's demise from within. Global Islamic terrorists bent on killing and exterminating Judaeo-Christian governments and societies is played to rank as the single most destructive threat we face. Would you believe me if I told you it ranks maybe a distant third or fourth? You see I think we as a nation are ignorantly attempting to parallel the fall of the Roman Empire. Freedom is no longer an ideal or virtue that each of us has a duty to defend. It's a cliche or a punchline and we ought to be ashamed of ourselves. Since the birth of moral relativism and a shift to secularizing traditions in our country, the very fabric and foundation that made our country and society strong now begins a systematic crumbling.

1. The Congress in the United States no longer maintains the ethical standing to achieve positive results for the betterment of the country and her taxpayers. Politics for the purpose of power destroys the very institution intended to provide the means for well being and security to citizens of the United States. Our entire political system is corrupt, corrupted by the men and women "serving" there intent on furthering objectives for personal gain.

2. Americans no longer feel the need to be personally responsible for decisions and actions in their own lives. We expect a corrupted government to care for us and provide for our needs and at all costs we now have a right to be entertained. We'll spend far more on video games and movies than on family counseling sessions or tithes to a church.

3. The American family's disintegration drives a new generation that views commitment in a relationship as optional and commitment to positive ideals in living a productive life of meaning as optional as well.

4. Political correctness poisons the pool of truth. Homosexuals have gay pride parades. If I legally protest this parade I'm a bigot. If I organize a heterosexual pride parade, I'm a bigot. We're chipping at 200 year old values here to protect the aberrant and the opposites of traditional standards. We've been forced by secularists at mainstream media outlets to accept the religious views of what we may feel are false religions at face value without opportunity for discussion or opposition. That makes us bigots. Allah and our Christian God are in the ring and modern society won't let us cheer for our God under penalty of bigotry but the Muslims can sure cheer for theirs. My money is on our Christian God with a knockout in the first round.

5. We're intent on socializing medicine, redistributing income, and pushing Christianity's founding principles as far from our lives as possible. Do you know that more than one Democratic presidential candidate mentioned getting a hold of "unfettered capitalism?" Let's say I work hard in school and in business and achieve phenomenal success in my work life. What happens? The government takes my money to give to those that are perfectly capable of doing the same thing but don't want to because they're too busy watching Rosie on the View.

6. We're allowing illegal criminals to cross our borders and use our taxpayer services and benefits spitting in the face of our forefathers who entered the country legally, worked for everything they ever got, and damn sure didn't wave a Mexican flag while demanding rights instead of earning them.

Everything regarded as wholesome, traditional, and responsible is under attack because it simply might take too much work to be dedicated to our own productivity in life. The silent majority is too tired to fight and that's a poor excuse. It's a shame and it will get worse. I hope we can change before it's too late.

Saturday, May 26, 2007

Memorial Day - Remembering My Father

Let's take a moment to remember those that were special to us in our lifetime. One of my most special memories is of my father. He and I had a unique relationship. He was old enough to be my grandfather..... Maybe that is why we got along so well. He was my best friend as a child and I spent a lot of time with him while he worked at an elevator in the small town that we lived in.

It was at the elevator that I played for hours and hours. I would climb around on all the box cars that lined the railroad tracks. Most were empty waiting to be loaded with grain from the elevator. My Dad would "cooper" the car. I don't know where that expression came from but I always remember him saying that we had to go and "cooper" the car before we load. He would place 4 X 8 foot heavy planks of wood against the doors so that grain that he loaded wouldn't spill out the doors when they were opened. This was exciting because you had to do it from the inside and then climb out. It was quite an adventure for a child under the age of six. I also would climb up and get myself a sugar beet from the loaded cars that were waiting to move on down the line to "somewhere" that they would be unloaded. That "somewhere" was a long ways away in my mind. I would eat the raw sugar beet and it was very sweet and tasty.

It was also at the grain elevator that I saw the world from way above. My Dad would pull us both up to the top of the elevator on a "man lift". He had to pull his weight plus mine all the way top. He was so strong! Then we would walk along the top of the big huge bins and check them to see how full they were. From there I could see the world! Or at least the little town from way above everyone else. What an adventure!

I would play in the grain trucks that came to unload in the late summer during harvest. As they dumped the box would get higher and higher and the wheat would slide out the back into the pit. One time I got stuck in the gate at the end of the box and my Dad had to hold me until more of the wheat had emptied out. It was very dangerous as I could have been suffocated but it was all in a day with my Dad. He never got excited about anything but always knew where I was and what I was doing.

I also had my own salt block! It was a salt block for cattle but it was my very own. In one of the storage rooms they had a pile of salt blocks ready to be sold but I made my Dad promise not to sell that one. That one was mine! I would go and lick on it every time I was there at the elevator. I hardly made a dent in it as a cow would..... but it was mine!

There are so many memories of my childhood that were with my Dad at the elevator. They will stay with me forever. It was quite an experience for a young girl under the age of six..... Those were the days of me being a "tomboy".

So on this Memorial Day weekend take a moment to remember someone that was special to you in your life as I have. This is my father's military picture that was taken when he was drafted into the war in 1942. He served in the Philippines during WWII and gave 39 months and 9 days of his life to our country for our freedom.

My father will always be close to me in my heart!

Signed..... Mrs. Montana Conservative

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

My Little Soccer Player....

The little guy looks as though he should be playing soccer or some sport that requires helmets. He doesn't seem to mind wearing the helmet but I am sure as the weather gets warmer it won't be as comfortable. There are many choices for colors and designs but that isn't the main objective for this contraption.... Craniosynostosis is common in many children and some require surgery. Ohers are required to wear a helmet to reshape the bones in the head. If this is done the child won't experience problems in the future. It is sad to see but before long it will all be over and many problems will have been avoided in the future. The wonders of modern medicine.... Thank God....

Hugs and Kisses for my little grandson....

Signed..... Mrs. Montana Conservative

Sunday, May 20, 2007

The 2008 Frontrunners, It's Either Fun or Tedious


Rudolph Giuliani- Rudy leads the pack in the race to romance Republican voters after President Bush and the previous Congress destroyed the opportunity to hold its power base after the 2006 mid-term elections. According to the mainstream media, the Republicans failed to make significant gains against global terror in the great goat paradise known as the Middle East so a power shift ensued. Rudy will not easily sway the "far right" because of his pro-abortion, gay rights, and gun control stances. There is a school of thought that believes his social leanings may bring in some independents and moderate swing voters. The sale of souls to the Devil begins! If Rudy wins the multi-primary race and the nomination one of two things can happen. He will either split the Republican vote and someone like Hillary Clinton and her Socialist agenda take control or conservatives will grudgingly line up behind him and vote because after all he is better than the Antichrist. Rudy will have to grow some extra hair to cover that massive portion of frontal forehead he so prominently displays. On television I can watch the entire political debate on his head and that scares me.

John McCain- I like John McCain but he too read John Kerry's book on how to be a flip-flopper. He is twisting in the wind like a kite in the storm of public opinion and much like Hillary Clinton, doesn't think any of us notice. McCain has long in my estimation supported amnesty for illegal immigrants and that surely chaps a majority of conservative voters. On the other hand and the stronger hand, McCain understands the significance of the fight against warped and murdering fundamentalist Islamic Jihadists (enough adjectives?) and that puts him near the top as far as candidates touting strong national security goes. Sometimes I think he regresses back to the jungles of Vietnam where he so honorably served his country and sacrificed through his suffering as a POW. He is a true American hero but does that forced smile through clenched teeth alarm you like it does me? I can see him as President coming to a press briefing in the Rose Garden dressed in full battle fatigues and carrying an M-16 and a belt full of frag grenades. Couldn't you just see him lobbing a flash-bang in the direction of NBC's David Gregory during one of Gregory's biased and slanted interrogations of McCain at the podium? One word for you. Flashback.

Mitt Romney- Romney looks cast for the role of President straight out of a Hollywood talent agency. He is well spoken and apparently made some great strides as Governor of Massachusetts. A Republican governor in the belly of the liberal beast? He must have won the election on the afternoon of St. Patrick's Day or something. Romney carries two pieces of political baggage that will get heavier as he approaches the modern plethora of early primaries. He will be labeled by social conservatives as a Kerryesque "flip-flopper" on the issue of abortion. I supported it once but saw the light and now dislike it because it is unpopular with my party's base voters and so on and so forth. I think there is some genuine distaste among traditional Christians in that Romney adheres to Mormonism. As the campaign progresses I can bet his polygamy jokes in public will come to an end. Romney is still in the running.

Possibilities- Newt Gingrich (former House Speaker and brilliant man, a lot of trouble with a malfunctioning zipper though. Conservatives may not be able to support him if they practice what they preach).

Fred Thompson- Former Senator and current actor. It worked for Reagan didn't it? Thompson is a popular choice, is intelligent, and has experience. Besides if it got too bad under his rule, we could pretend it was just one of his movies.


Hillary Clinton- The very image of Hillary Clinton repulses me to the point of developing hives. In the interest of fairness and equality I will put those prejudices aside and report as accurately as I can. Hillary believes in a government so large it outnumbers the country's population. She once mentioned that capitalism cannot run "unfettered". Can anyone else say Karl Marx, Stalin, or Lenin? She wants to tax me more because she believes she can spend my money more wisely on issues she and her cronies deem more appropriate. The Democrats believe in sticking up for the little guy? I think she believes in sticking up the little guy for sure. Hillary like other hippie-era moral relativists believes in gay rights, gun control, and partial birth abortion or in more chic terms "womb vacuuming." I don't wish Hillary ill personally but do hope she develops a case of intestinal diarrhea so severe that she simply must leave the podium during debates to take care of the issue therefore relieving the public of being inundated by her smarmy tones.

Barack Hussein Obama- This is like voting for class president in high school. Barack is wealthy, handsome, and very well-spoken. Isn't it funny that rich nominees and candidates in this party always speak for the poor guy? Is he going to write all of us a check if elected or tax the people even more? Barack has no experience and a laundry list of supporters with questionable backgrounds. I think if Barack won the Presidency it would take him several months to find his way around basic government principles. He promotes dialogue and reactionary defense versus strength and pro action in this modern and very dangerous world. I hope he writes a book called, "My 18 Month Journey of Learning and Rise to the Top."

John Edwards- John looks too perfect to be President. John advocates taxes, cowardice abroad, and supports every abominable secular position on social issues just like the others in his party. John made his millions off the backs of those that make our economy tick and tells us there are two Americas. There is a rich America that he lives in and a poor America that I live in. He wants to help me by taking more of my taxes thus making me poorer and government richer. He will also decide who to forward my tax money to because he believes I am not capable of properly using the money I worked for. I doubt he will invite me to his palatial mansion to prove to me just how much he supports me. I don't think my old pickup with the dents in the side fits very well in the driveway at his home. I think his estate is so big you have to get a helicopter ride from the parking area to the front door. We saw his positions when he ran as Herman Munster's vice presidential candidate in 2004 and we know how that turned out. He is clearly a third place runner right now in George Soros' Democratic Party. Besides, I heard a news crew lost two cameras during an interview with Edwards when his dimples sucked two of the devices and their operators inside.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

My Panic and Dismay, Paris Goes to Jail

Will pictures like this become classics? I mean just look at her. Wholesome, shy, and seemingly innocuous. Can you imagine the parental shock and horror if this was your dining room table and your teenage son brought his girlfriend Paris over for Sunday dinner?

"Willard pass the ham and green beans. Willard I'm talking to you! Oh my! Paris what are you oh my! Junior, HELP!" The line between embarrassing and disgusting thins to an infinitesimal thread in situations such as these. If this steamy photograph originated in the Great Depression and she posed like this simply to provide food for her family maybe I'd feel some compassion. Such is not the case. Paris Hilton survives as a modern and extremely wealthy heir to the Hilton Hotel and real estate fortune. I guess she chose to bypass the responsible route. She and her apparently inattentive parents easily possessed the tools to educate her at elite universities and make her an integral part of at least one of their successful corporations. Instead they acquiesced to her desires for self-consuming and distasteful vanity.

I am so sick of seeing her on television. Photographers follow her like rabid dogs and we all need to get the "inside" story on her whereabouts, sex life, and career objectives. Why do we need the inside scoop on this bimbo? Hollywood mystifies me in how it transforms unattractive and untalented people into successful and wealthy stars. I know two girls within my block that are prettier and in complete command of their syntax and diction. One teaches children and the other takes care of sick folks at a hospital. Hilton can neither speak, write, sing, or babble coherently. She made $7,000,000.00 in 2006. Am I missing something here? Her greatest claim to fame seems to be an amateur sex tape that "found" its way onto the Internet and then the formal marketplace. She once said her graphic exploits and sex acts on the tape "humiliated" her but that was a passing emotion. She titled the tape and now profits from it. It's called "One Night in Paris." Classy isn't she? Maybe we can all watch it at Christmas time right after "Miracle on 34th Street."

Besides being overrated, she embarrasses humanity by constantly disavowing legal and even moderate moral standards. Paris was arrested and charged with DUI, she was driving two days later, violated her probation, and continued partying and acting like a complete moron in public. Her blatant irresponsibility and probation violations force the authorities to revoke said probation and sentence her to 45 days in jail. Now Paris Hilton fans everywhere (yes the idiot has fans) signed a petition destined for the California governor's desk imploring him to free poor Paris. That is a great message. The rich and powerful can simply buy their way out of personal criminality and responsibility. The rich and powerful are above the law.

But if you want to know who really holds the blame we cannot look much past our own noses. We are to blame. Why the American consumer subsidizes lunatics like Paris Hilton (and many others) is simply beyond my limited comprehension. We buy her tapes, records, and buy the tabloids. We are to blame. If it wasn't for us, Paris Hilton would be little more than an insignificant speck on the butt of society. It says a great deal about where we are as a country and culture. Personally I'd rather read a story about the life and deeds of a soldier in Iraq. I guess that is not quite sexy enough to serve our conceited needs.

Friday, May 11, 2007

Glenn Beck Takes a Huge Step Back

I started listening to Glenn Beck a couple of years ago and have to admit I was quite drawn to his rapid-fire style of conservative commentary. His blend of humor and hard-hitting observations about the state of politics seemed refreshing in comparison to stale and slanted network news drivel. About a year ago Glenn became the host of a televised version of the Glenn Beck Show on CNN Headline News. Apparently the show is doing okay because the secularists running that network have not given him the boot yet. Not long ago I learned that Glenn practices Mormonism within the LDS religion. The hair stood at attention on my neck but I pushed that personal prejudice aside because after all President Reagan confided with the Mormons on his staff didn't he?

During last night's show, Glenn began his monologue in an overly melancholy state and seemed consumed with teary-eyed emotion when discussing Al Sharpton's appearance on the program. Beck informed the audience that Sharpton slighted Mormons everywhere by inferring that Mormons and maybe even Presidential candidate Mitt Romney practiced intolerance and bigotry towards African-Americans seeking to establish relevancy within Utah's favorite religion. Glenn Beck subsequently proceeded to cross the line of known historical truths. Glenn informed his television audience that he was a Christian and certainly not a bigot. Glenn, I believe you are not a bigot. Discussing bigotry with Al Sharpton is like fighting the war on drugs with Robert Downey, Jr. as the head of the DEA.

Neither Sharpton nor Jesse Jackson possess the character or intestinal fortitude to offer humble apologies to the Duke University rape suspects or condemn the moral inadequacy of their accuser. Those sanctioned racists absolutely crucified Don Imus but apparently the coin owns only one shiny side. More troubling than the obvious racial double standard surrounding Sharpton like a hail cloud is Glenn Beck's reference to Christianity and Mormonism. Glenn like many others in his "faith base" refuses to accept that the coupling of those terms defines impossibility. Christianity and Mormonism are mutually exclusive terms.

Here's the real story Glenn. You can practice whatever religion you wish as guaranteed in the Constitution and Bill of Rights. You can practice that religion in peace and privacy or among a host of others as guaranteed in the Constitution and Bill of Rights. What you cannot do is insult the intellectual integrity of Christians everywhere by implying that Mormonism and Christianity share the same philosophical tenets.

Mormons believe the Bible is flawed and subject to interpretation from modern day prophets. Christians believe the Bible is the sacred and final word and believe the attempt to intertwine modern texts like the Book of Mormon constitutes nothing short of blaspheme. Mormons believe in a multitude of celestial kingdoms and not only will Mormons sit at the right hand of God but become exalted Gods themselves after a lifetime of performing self-meriting works on Earth. Christians believe in salvation through a baptismal in faith and humbling oneself before the Lord on Earth and in Heaven as a servant and not an equal. Mormons believe Joseph Smith had the "book" divinely revealed to him in the hills in 1829. Christians believe Smith little more than a slick talking used car salesman with a penchant for the company of many women. The Mormons successfully changed their own doctrine more than 150 times since banning plural marriage in the late 1800's. The ban exists because of political pressures and not because of religious belief or the adherence to a Christian moral code.

I could go on and on but won't because if Glenn read this and is truly a practicing Mormon, the same taught response sets in. Deny, label the writer as anti-Mormon, and let the apologists for the religion begin a campaign of rebuttal and refutation. At all costs do not examine the critics and their contentions. For God's sake, don't read what Mormonism's opponents write even if the study of such opposition sheds factual light on the dogma being forced into you on those long Sundays.

Here are some topics of interest for those that follow these issues. The divine "secret" writings of Abraham supposedly possessed by Smith written on ancient Egyptian papyrus simply stands as fraudulent. An interpretation revealed nothing more than Egyptian funerary instructions on the "sacred" parchment. Smith found the papyrus when he bought an Egyptian mummy from a traveling sideshow or circus act. The Mormon texts fail to meet any Christian standards in relation to defining the text as authentic during the period of Apostolic authorship. It is believed by many Christians that the attempt to supersede the Bible with the works of Smith parallel what Catholics call heresy. The Bible is pretty clear about "turning away" from the teachings of Christ as revealed by the apostles in the New Testament. There is no doubt in my mind or the minds of many scholars that Smith's divine revelations as professed in Mormon texts were simply based on his own life and embellished much like a good novelist does. The religion simply bears no semblance to Christianity other than the bits and morsels included to spearhead the religion's recruiting drives.

Of all people, Glenn knows the damage caused by statements like "I'm a Christian." Glenn you are an admitted Mormon so accept it on its own merit and do not dishonor the Holy Bible by referencing Christianity and Mormonism in the same breath. You rail against partisan bickering on Capitol hill and the damage done by disguising truth and progress under a veil of political correctness. Silly Al Sharpton takes a poke at Mormonism and Mitt Romney and the apparent latent dose of political correctness hiding in you spills forth for all to see. Maybe that is a learned and endorsed response to attacks on Mormonism. You can profess to adhere to Mormonism all you want with or without the public emotion and chagrin. You may want to get used to hearing a few candid and plausible refutations from those in the broader Christian community that label the Mormon religion as false and intellectually debilitating. I patiently await the expected barrage from the rabid and misguided attack mongers.

Saturday, May 05, 2007

One Very Important Whitetail Buck

Do you remember those old clich├ęd phrases that never really meant anything to you until you found a specific cause to relate them to? You know, phrases like “making a mountain out of a mole hill” or “making something out of nothing”? Recently I found the United States Attorney’s Office in the District of Montana plans on convening a grand jury to further substantiate criminal charges stemming from an alleged illegal shooting and subsequent interstate transfer of a whitetail buck from eastern Montana some time ago. To put any animal rights fears to bed, the buck refuses to testify mainly because he finds it difficult to back out of the wall he’s mounted in at some distant fish and game office. Keep in mind this excessive government intervention revolves around one deer, not a moving van full of Montana’s finest ruminant mammal Cervidae.

According to my sources, the following synopsis characterizes the government’s substantial case. A Montana resident with a legal and correct sex /species tag and an out of state acquaintance hike to and fro searching for that perfect specimen. Specimen is found, dispatched, and dressed in the field. (Note to non-hunters, dressed doesn’t mean the hunters outfitted the slain deer in a polo shirt, khakis, and loafers) Out of state acquaintance enters a “Game Check” station before crossing into North Dakota en-route to Minnesota. Wardens find that instead of the out of state acquaintance’s name on the tagged carcass, Montana resident’s name and tag are attached to the animal and the Montana resident is not riding on the trailer with both arms securely hugging the furry quadruped. The Earth then spirals into chaos, lightning flashes, sirens wail, Miranda advisories abound, and for the love of God the federal police wade into the fray. Ballistics tests and fingerprint analysis ensue to determine who fired which weapon when and which tuft of hair landed on which rock and whose orange vest is covered with more blood and so on and so forth. CSI comes to Mayberry and Barney wants some answers.

The purpose of this written diatribe serves not to bemoan the state’s fish and wildlife department or the federal fish and wildlife office either. Both agencies have their place and purposes to serve. The argument symbolizes exactly what most taxpayers unfortunately pay no attention to anymore. This case glorifies the subtle way that government wastes thousands of taxpayer dollars to rationalize their position of power over a taxpaying public. In other words, the government makes quite a show with your money to “show you who maintains the power.” It demonstrates that rather than using common sense and good judgment to handle a rather insignificant situation, the government comes out swinging letting you know in no uncertain terms just how right they are regardless of the cost.

Let me be clear. I’ve hunted since childhood in eastern Montana and for most of us the unique relationship with nature becomes a fundamental part of who we are. I find poaching and antler/head hunting as reprehensible endeavors and contrary to the whole joy and responsibility of the hunting experience. I’ve never poached an animal or associated myself with people that do. However, the presence of a tag implies that one has paid for the privilege of enjoying and relishing in a successful hunt. I’ve even taken the protectionist stance in viewing out of state hunters with distrust and a scathing frown. The only reason they get a pass from me is because they contribute much needed money to the eastern Montana economy and their presence helps keep runaway deer numbers in check.

Apparently much of the malaise in this case could’ve been avoided if the Montana resident scribbled on a cocktail napkin indicating that the out of state friend had his permission to take the deer back home to Minnesota. But because he didn’t, that somehow justifies criminal charges in federal court and a litany of attorneys, briefs, attorney’s briefs or boxers, grand juries, fees, expenses, and in summation a large barrel of paper (both green and white) waste. Hunting privilege cessation, weapons seizures, criminal records, and character assassinations replace what could have been a simple misdemeanor ticket or summons to appear before a local judge to handle the case (if legitimate) with an appropriate fine and hand whacking.

I hope my dad never moves to Minnesota and comes back for a fall hunting trip with me. We’re not very good with checklists and I cannot imagine my nausea and panic when approaching a game check station having to determine if I fired his new .30-06 at the deer or if he did or if the deer committed suicide. Now let me think, did I put dad’s tag on the deer he shot or did he tie my tag on the deer I shot and did I use some of his bullets in my gun and are my fingerprints on his thermos and bologna sandwich bag? You know those bags are perfect for obtaining latent fingerprints for analysis. Should I take my attorney hunting with me and does the retainer apply to each expedition? I thought ammunition made the day expensive, boy was I wrong. What if his doe is hanging in my Montana garage because I already have plenty of meat and my buck travels with him to Minnesota and I forgot to scribble his permission slip to transport the animal on the back of a matchbook? My 61 year old father with no prior criminal history suddenly finds himself detained and charged after being in possession of a buck with his son’s tag on it and a federal case commences? I dread the day I take my wailing mother to the jail only to find Dad in his decorative orange jumpsuit and flip-flops. He does little to console her when he tells her he and cellmate Bubba seem to be hitting it off just fine.

You simply have to be kidding! Why couldn’t the fish and game officials simply call me and fine me $50.00 instead of tearing into the flesh of insignificance with gnashing teeth? Why not just call me to see if Dad’s explanation holds water and leave it at that? The government just crossed the line for the sake of justifying their budgets, quotas, and power base. They just took something from him he can’t get back and for what, a successful conviction and the social lynching of a law abiding citizen sharing a memorable (and legal) day in the great outdoors? I guarantee we no longer can hunt together or even possess the weapons we purchased to hunt with. Do you really want to question how and with what fury the government wields its regulatory authority? You better not if you know what’s good for you. You now fall into a category of active interest and your statements may come back to haunt you. When did the government’s regulatory authority supersede an individual’s Constitutional protections as dictated in the Bill of Rights? Would a reasonable person believe that society is better served by destroying the rights of an individual in relation to the questionable circumstances of one whitetail buck’s interstate transportation?

Is the government really concerned with the death of the animal? I bet insurance analysts everywhere revel every time another deer dies so that their companies save on the rash of car versus deer incidents on the highways directly caused by increased herd numbers. If you don’t believe me, just travel across Montana at night and see for yourself if deer are in short supply. I find deer in places I’d never seen them migrate through before 1995. I’m surprised insurance companies haven’t acquired the services of mafia scoundrels like Nuncio Cappuccino to secretly pay gun enthusiasts to pick off the plethora of deer wading in road ditches just dying to raise heck with car fenders and insurance premiums everywhere.

I am familiar with the mindset involved in cases like this. I am a former POST certified deputy sheriff and coroner in Montana with several licenses and training certificates suitable for framing. I have worked cases with federal agents, state agents, and even insurance agents. What I find most alarming is the “go after them and get them” mentality that exists in these over hyped cases. Lost in the whirlwind of quotas and successful criminal procedure is the idea that investigatory legal success trumps the fundamental tenet of protecting the citizens’ rights. Common sense got on the first train to Baltimore and objective reason finds itself replaced with a subjective and sometimes ego maniacal need to further a career or departmental image. These agencies believe that prosecutions, micromanaged cases, and convictions equate to protection of the public at large but instead amount to something far more damaging, the measured destruction of an individual’s liberties.

I think we all need to step back and question situations that seem absurd rather than buy wholesale doctrine from government representatives assuring you that their actions are for your protection and safety. Are the costs justified in relation to the words, actions, and assurances of those in power? Do the ends truly justify the means? Yes, I am extremely conservative and probably lie somewhere just right of Attila the Hun but too much is too much. I like to think the government’s primary function is to protect the citizens rather than persecute them. How would you feel if you passed a game check station in your pickup and a state game warden sped up to your bumper, followed you onto your property with lights and sirens flashing, and demanded to know about your actions and failure to enter the game check area. I did not go hunting. I was bringing my pickup home from the shop. Is that kind of violation justified, rational, or appropriate? The corruption of power is deadly if allowed to propagate. Just take notice and keep your eyes peeled. Remember to signal and come to a complete stop, you’re only one misstep away from being the proud owner of a criminal history.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Shameless San Francisco

This week I simply have to write about the crazy mayor of San Francisco, Gavin Newsom. He talks about being a defender of human rights and the Constitution but he seems more like a spoiled little rich kid used to getting his way because the whole family couldn't believe how cute little Gavin was. "Here little Gavin, take some of daddy's money and go buy a house for you and your friends to play in. Careful honey, don't pull the ruby out of your diaper. Leave the big people alone so we can have martinis and decide how to save the owl and cut down on plastic bag use." Talk about a city and a subculture so far out of touch with decency and common sense.

Not only does the mayor in the gay bay defy the California Supreme Court by allowing and encouraging gay marriage, he openly defies federal immigration laws and states publicly to a news crew that San Francisco is a sanctuary city and does not recognize federal laws regarding illegal or criminal immigration. Oh yeah, he got caught playing touch football with his best friend's wife too. You know, "When I blow the whistle, yell HIKE and move down two chairs." Quite a guy to have in a position of leadership. He must have read the Bill Clinton handbook on how to be a scumbag. At any rate, we'll talk later about San Francisco and its tumultuous spin into an eddying moral cesspool. We can always hope that 8.5 shakes everything loose enough that it drifts out to sea.
In the meantime, lobby your congressman or congresswoman to cut off federal funding for the city until the mayor and leaders in the community can at the very least rise to the level of decency displayed in ancient Babylon? Why should American taxpayers sink money and resources into an area and specifically a city whose most outspoken and powerful mayor is little more than a corrupt example of a political process gone wrong? If San Francisco insists on being the beacon for all things vile and degenerate as lobbied for by those in charge of local government, let them develop a tax base and revenues from an economy of self invention and regeneration.
I mean the possibilities are endless. They could host an adult toy convention, perhaps a fashion show highlighting transvestite fashion trends, and develop a healthy bag manufacturing industry that neither utilizes plastic or paper. They'll be saving the environment and the spotted owl. Maybe San Francisco will become one of the first floating cities. It already seems adrift without direction because of its broken rudder. What a shame indeed.

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Don LaFontaine: A Genuine Hollywood Legend

You've certainly heard the voice and lately it seems you may have seen the legend as well. Forever known as the orator of that ominous introduction, "In a world....." or "In a time.....", Don LaFontaine's presence certainly ingrains itself within the world of Hollywood mystique. If ever you entered a theater or turned on the television, the odds are that Don LaFontaine has spoken to you with that booming baritone. To date I've seen Don's early morning appearances on The Early Show, Today, and Good Morning America doing humorous sketches that highlight his amazing vocal abilities. In 2007 he appeared twice on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno and was an integral part of the Academy Awards. His talent on screen infuses itself with Don's unique and sonorous voice . Most famous for his 5000 voice spots on movie trailers like The Godfather, Cast Away, Daddy Day Care, and Terminator, he also provides spots for radio and television advertisements. Don LaFontaine is perhaps one of the individuals most responsible for revolutionizing the way Hollywood and the major studios promote themselves and their movies. In fact, Don may in no small way be responsible for the way we see the advertising world as a whole in modern times. Not bad for a boy from Duluth, Minnesota.

Don headed the film trailer company Kaleidoscope Films and later became the "voice" of Paramount in 1978. After succeeding with these endeavors people in the entertainment business encouraged him to more aggressively pursue a career utilizing his vocal skills. The rest is as they say, history. I admired Don's unique gift for years but never managed to get a glimpse of the man behind the voice. Recently the popular and well-received Geico Insurance commercials hit the airwaves and I saw the commercial featuring Don. My curiosity spurred me to search for information about Mr. LaFontaine on the web. I found Don's website, read about his life and accomplishments, and thought I should make an attempt to contact him. Usually when trying to contact a famous figure one is lucky to find any contact information at all. Not only did I contact Don through e-mail, he graciously returned my correspondence with a personal e-mail. That means a lot in this day in age when actors and entertainers in the spotlight find it all too convenient to disavow the fan bases that make the entertainment industry the multi-billion dollar powerhouse it is today.

Of course I've printed his emails and stretched the truth to family and friends letting them believe Don and I are old pals. I've literally pulled people and family members from the street and quiet slumber when a LaFontaine piece airs. I tell them with excited enthusiasm, "Hey, I know that guy, that's Don LaFontaine!" I maintain that having a Hollywood connection must be kept secret as I wouldn't want the information contained in my secret meetings with him to become public. If I keep up the ruse long enough perhaps I'll convince myself that I am a successful person in Hollywood just like him, at least until the power company shuts my lights off. And Don just so you know, I spend time practicing my own version of "In a world" but up to this point my rendition sounds more like a distressed gopher's yelps while being squeezed in the clutches of an industrial vise. I wouldn't consider me competition just yet! I would however appreciate a phone call sometime that I can record and play for friends at parties. Besides being a great thrill, it would further propagate my "I'm famous because I hang with Don LaFontaine theory" I am working on. But then I'd have to worry about his invoice for providing such a service and I am not quite ready to take out a second mortgage on the house. However, if Don ever finds reason to travel to Billings, MT I will be shocked and offended if he doesn't contact me!

In summation I penned this tribute to Mr. LaFontaine because he is a Hollywood legend. His contributions to the world of entertainment are too substantial and lofty to be properly detailed in this article. We go to the movies or watch particular programs to escape or to feel that nostalgic tie to our own unique set of dreams and fantasies. Don's voice carries us there. He is the conduit that transports us from our seats and into the screen and beyond. His words and mesmerizing tones make our hearts race and thoughts dance as we enter that world of Hollywood movie magic. Don, thank you for your contributions and I wish you and your lovely wife Nita Whitaker all the best.

Friday, April 27, 2007

Drive At Your Own Risk: Southern California Freeways

I have few positive things to say about traveling and specifically driving in southern California. Last Friday I found myself loading up on acid reflux medication as I crossed the deserted border south of Las Vegas and entered the foreboding wasteland near Death Valley on the stretch of I-15 that passes through Baker, CA. My destination of Irwindale, CA seemed a reachable mark by 10:00 local time if no difficulties thrust themselves upon me. Of course my memory recalls the distinct sound of someone knocking on a wooden structure and the malaise began just south of Victorville near the junction of I-15 and 395. Apparently an overturned truck south of the weigh station near the bottom of El Cajon Pass blocked all lanes of the southbound I-15 interstate. Tragically I believe at least two motorists lost their lives in the messy collision. I know nothing of the accident's circumstances but obviously one wrong move by a car or truck caused an immediate and catastrophic reaction that ended in grisly fashion. There seems absolutely no margin for error in the congested and overcrowded world of the L.A. and southern California freeway system.
I slowed to a stop as a frenzy of red brake lights hinted at the beginning of a frustrating and delayed commute. Three and sometimes four lanes of stalled traffic inched along at a snail's pace; frustrated faces peered out windows and into mirrors trying in vain to ascertain the cause of such a mind numbing and costly shutdown. The report from a traffic observer flying effortlessly overhead in a news helicopter confirmed my darkest fears. A fatality accident involving the overturned semi-truck lay silently wreaking havoc some 12 miles in front of me. Twelve miles in front of me! My appointment in the L.A. foothills now seemed quite distant and maybe unreachable during business hours. At my hastily calculated rate of movement, I determined my estimated time of arrival to be a much later 3:00 pm. The hapless drivers started their predictable movements of nonsense. Change lanes and change lanes again even though your spot stays the same regardless of which lane is chosen. Drivers begin speeding down the shoulder of the roadway in an attempt to circumvent the wall of tractor-trailer combinations eerily creeping along. The rain and fog began to set in like a reaper intent on reducing the visibility to zero and causing even more panic and disillusion.
What seemed like hours passed as I crept along in a maze of exhaust fumes, idling metal, and brake heat. Finally I passed the weigh station near the bottom of El Cajon and knew the accident site must be somewhere in the vicinity of the Kenwood Road exit. For some unfathomable reason the California Highway Patrol added to the danger and traffic flow difficulties by requiring trucks to weigh at the scales and emerge from the ramp in the hopeless attempt of completing a successful merge. Giant cranes managed to pull what was left of the spilled big rig onto the shoulder allowing at least three of the southbound lanes to be used for the now exasperated drivers. The precipitation continued and increased as I headed past the I-215 split and visibility fell to dangerously low levels as the throngs of traffic kicked up water spray over six lanes of traffic. I thought to myself, "These people are crazy!" The rain simply poured as I merged west onto the 210 and headed towards Pasadena. The slippery roads and limited sight distance seemed only to spur the southern California drivers on. I might as well have been handling a horse and buggy instead of a modern streamlined motor vehicle. Dodging, ducking, braking, and swerving the possessed drivers attempted to gain as much forward distance in the shortest possible time regardless of the danger to others.
Because I am generally regarded as one of the unluckiest members of the planet my departure from the area happened to coincide with the beginning of the afternoon rush hour. So now I get to fight the idiots on my way out of the valley as well. I daydreamed about trading for a relaxing drive across northern Canada in a January blizzard. The rain stopped and speeds increased even more. Merging drivers expect to merge without understanding or caring that they are lawfully required to yield. Cell phones, shavers, and other unmentionable acts take place as the wayward commuters rocket home only to face the prospect of beginning the whole maddening process over on Monday.
The next day two more drivers died in nearly the same spot as the previous day's accident. A few miles north of Barstow another fatality accident finds its remnants peered at by passing drivers. There are simply too many people in a confined geographic area. The infrastructure and highway repair budgets in California appear dismal at best. The problem compounds itself with each passing day as the city and valley chokes itself off in a fit of massive overcrowding. Until the state addresses the monumental safety concerns of traffic flow and congestion, people will die in great numbers as others fly by gawking at the twisted remains only hopeful or lucky their time is not yet at hand.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Alec Baldwin Personifies Hollywood Nuttiness

Why discuss the particulars? Baldwin's unfettered and maniacal rage directed at his prepubertal daughter received national airplay at several outlets and became fodder for comedic sketches from here to Dover, Delaware. Do you remember when Baldwin nearly slid out of his skin when then House Judiciary Chairman Henry Hyde proceeded with the impeachment of Willy Clinton? Baldwin salivated over and worshipped Clinton much like the semi-retarded followers of David Koresh did at the Branch Davidian compound in Waco, TX several years ago. Not only does the American public bow in thankful anticipation to one of Baldwin's secular and frenzied left-wing political rants, we quiver in shock to find that he adheres to loon status in his personal life as well. I bet the diner where Baldwin, Sean Penn, Rosie O'Donnell, and Barbra Streisand meet for coffee and analytical comparative conspiracy theory class is awash with good times and quiet conversation. Now if we can get Tom Cruise to join in with his tin foil alien suit complete with pointed Hershey's Kiss foil hat, we have a quorum of Hollywood's most powerful and influential players. Even the mild mannered and peace loving Richard Gere finds himself with a warrant for his arrest after kissing an Indian actress in conservative India. Too bad you disavow the American way and your heritage Richard. The protections you protest and take for granted here keep you free and safe. I doubt Buddha will waddle to your rescue.
The Baldwin family mimics the Kennedy family to me. Wealth, power, and celebrity taken for granted and misused to the extreme. Baldwin's movie success (or at least past movie success) and elitist lifestyle are a gracious gift and apparently he feels no need to act responsibly either within his family circle or in front of the American public whose hard earned dollars made him rich. He complains about his ex-wife Kim Basinger's lack of coherence as a person and parent. Too bad she cannot act more responsible and sane like you Alec. Even your actor brothers find themselves inundated in petty crimes and substance abuse. Instead of counting your blessings you somehow believe that the celebrity platform equates to some sort of social legitimacy. You make Sean Penn appear as mild as a Methodist Sunday school teacher. Maybe you'll call for Robert Downey, Jr. to spearhead the war on drugs. It really seems it should be your young daughter that calls you and explodes in a tirade. At least her age and level of emotional development justifies the diatribe. I think her conversation to Alec should appear as follows:
"Dad, I love you but you are a wack job just like everyone else in my family. I have been a witness and victim to your temper and crazy verbal explosions my whole life. I make mistakes but I am growing up and learning as I go. I haven't exactly had the best examples set before me either. I think you need to spend a couple weeks at Trembling Hills and receive intense pharmaceutical interventions that I hope will bring you down to the level of at least Dennis Hopper. Why can't we just live with the gifts we've been given and give back a little, even if giving back means saying thanks and acting decent in public. I am so embarrassed by you and your actions. Mom is probably crazy too so why doesn't everyone leave the Hollywood life behind and focus on what's important like me and my growth as an intelligent and responsible human being? I know I have your DNA and there is really nothing I can do about it. So if you don't quit acting crazy I might as well start drinking and using drugs now. Then maybe we all can get along and be as goofy as outhouse rats. Bye Dad."