How Going "Green" Will Only Cost You Green

Before we all start jumping around for joy because we're saving the planet and boosting economies with ethanol production, cool your jets for just a second and consider the following.

As corn prices rise many people don't understand that there is no surplus of corn; in fact on a global level there is a corn shortage until 2009 according to "experts." Second, to reduce our dependence on foreign oil through ethanol production and use, we'd basically have to plant every square acre of the United States to corn. I'm talking about corn planted on boulevards, window sills, rooftops, and perhaps the bald heads of those of us with male pattern baldness.

"Hey Bill, how do I get to the convenience store?"

"Just stay on the right side of the center row of corn on 16th Street and turn into row 3000 of corn on what used to be Maple Ave., it's in there somewhere."

Economic development would cease because it would infringe on corn acreage. There wouldn't be room to grow other crops or animals used for meat. You'd enter a restaurant and order the following:

"I would like a corn steak, medium gooey, some corn fry wedges, a side of corn, and to drink I'd like a corn slurpee."

It simply is unfeasible.

What about ranchers and feedlot operators that have relied on corn for eons (that's centuries to you and me) to feed their critters? Feed prices go up and then the price of beef goes up benefiting everyone from the rancher to the monopolized slaughter industry and the consumer gets the shaft. Hey, maybe those animal rights activists are really behind the ethanol movement. Sounds like a good mystery novel. Remember, your government heavily subsidizes corn producers but most of the consumers who have the least to spend on a fixed budget take the hit. Government entitlement programs or "ag welfare" programs as I call them never benefit you and your family at home unless you're the proprietor of a large corporate farming operation.

Ethanol production is wasteful. Most of the corn used in generating ethanol is WASTED. It is an extremely inefficient process. Grow more corn, jack prices up, and then waste most of it during an abysmal production process. Bio-fuels do not burn efficiently and react less cooperatively within the fuel systems of internal combustion engines. This I know for a fact. In cold operating temperatures fuel filters tend to suffer because the end product isn't as cleanly refined as petroleum products are. And to top it all off, you're going to pay as much or more at the pumps for ethanol as you are for petroleum.

Ethanol isn't the answer to our energy problems. A lot of the blame rests with our government. Fossil fuel combustion technologies were abandoned for years instead of the focused intent necessary to find cleaner ways to burn the fuels. Nobody wants to unhook us from the dependence on crazy Middle Eastern oil fanatics more than I do. Blame your own government for the mess when we abandoned domestic exploration in the late 70's. Blame fuel producers for failing to invest in their infrastructure. Do you know there has not been a domestic refinery built in nearly 20 years? There isn't near as much of a fuel shortage as they want you to believe because by failing to invest in new refineries oil companies can control the supply side of the supply/demand issue. It isn't as much a shortage issue as it is a supply issue.

Improve technologies, utilize ethanol as a supplement, and require your government to work in your best interest not in the interest of those building their power base behind closed doors in the Capitol in Washington. I'll bet they have little knowledge of the overall processes involved anyway.

Well I have to get, I have to water the garden and the corn is coming along nicely.

To Be or Not To Be a Worry Wart

I've never really been a big fan of stabilizing my life with man's pharmaceutical inventions but lately I've been wondering if the things I think about a lot need a dose of Prozac or perhaps I just need a swift kick in the butt to put things in perspective. Yeah, I know. I need the latter.

1. Global Warming- It's supposed to be 103 degrees here today and that would set a new record for this date. I must apologize to Al Gore because I thought he was a fraud rather than the savior of mankind. But alas wait. Global warming as he describes it is still an alarmist make you crawl under the bed and hide hoax. The Earth was warmer during the Medieval Period long before the manufacturing industry began spewing sulfur and carbon dioxide skyward in a dastardly attempt to ruin the Earth by providing jobs and economic growth so that ordinary people could survive. The earth's temperatures have risen infintismally since the 1970's "mini Ice Age" but neither Gore or his cronies will debate if man's contributions to carbon dioxide emissions actually affects the less than 1 degree rise in temperatures. He doesn't want to answer the tough questions because the republic's whole purchase of his theory in lock, stock, and barrel fashion would seriously erode his power base and thirst for "Global Popularity." At any rate, to those of you hopelessly hanging on every word Al says, just get a kiddie pool and fill it with 2 to 3 inches of water. The crisis will pass I promise.

2. What Illegal Immigration Side Effects?- While the dismal failure of our elected leaders in Washington continues to cause a slight rash on my posterior, it is their failure specifically to address border security that causes the most severe cardiac palpitations. Get a taste of how stupid we really are. An illegal immigrant is arrested twice for felonies. The arresting agencies do not make contact with Customs or Immigration. It gets better. He is released. Oh yeah, then he goes and kills a deputy sheriff in Wisconsin. Yes, all illegal immigrants are direct descendants of Mother Theresa and only want to be part of our culture. At this rate we might as well give up and concede defeat. I think maybe we all should start learning how to speak Arabic or Chinese. As weak as we've become as a society it is only a matter of time before a focused power topples us like a moldy wedding cake.

3. George Bush, a boob- Yeah I said it. I'm a conservative but not a lap dog for the Republican Party and I do try to think for myself. Why doesn't everyone else in mainstream media circles try it just for fun? What you don't hear is that every other liberal presidential candidate seeking the White House in 2008 maintains a large "boob" factor too. We have Hillary Clinton the antichrist. She can't wear short skirts anymore because her handlers are afraid the fact she is more endowed than her crooked husband may be exposed during a press conference when she insists on attempting to crucify someone else's regional accent. Barack Obama is a cartoon with no idea on how to sell you on his lack of experience. "Barack Bob Shiny Pants" is fitting I think. Bush didn't have any real experience either except that his father did occupy the post rather quietly for four years. Mitt Romney is strange like that weird "petting" uncle you once had. Republican hopeful John McCain maintains a clenched grimace and a "Charlie's coming in from the jungle" flashback smile that may result in the gunning down of at least three NBC reporters before the primary season ends. David Gregory, I suggest you remain seated in the chair at the rear of the press gathering. The point is to think for yourself and believe nothing you hear on network news or read in the papers. Subscribe to the New York Times or the L.A. Times only if you can't find a reasonable sale on toilet paper elsewhere. Watch the news and read the papers for entertainment purposes only. Reporting the news in a fair and accurate fashion died in the early to mid sixties and it is gone for good. Form your own opinions and do your own research utilizing the melon atop your shoulders. Consider modern news in the same league with "Desperate Housewives."

4. Pet Abusers- I know that pets are animals and have their place of importance somewhere far below the human level but good Lord. Some guy named something like Pompeii Geraldo Rodriguez Lupi Javier Rodriguez Rodriguez dragged a puppy alongside his SUV until stopped by police. Let's call the guy Bill. So anyway Bill drags an innocent creature, just a pup no less, until it is nearly dead. When stopped he is asked if he is going to take the animal to be treated for its injuries and he says no. He is arrested and taken to a jail where at this hour he is probably watching HBO in the cell on the taxpayer dime. If Bill can do this to a harmless puppy, just think of what he could do to a human with interactive social and cognitive skills. He could really think of something abusive to do to it. I'm not in it because I care anything about the animal rights movement but beware of those that take great joy in being cruel to innocent animals. They tend to be even more violent to humans with functioning brains. When I was a cop he was the kind of guy I wanted to get the facts from, handcuff, and leash to the back of my SUV for a little session along a dirt road and maybe a safflower field. I think I lacked the compassion to be voted most "inspirational officer."

As If I Didn't Have Enough to Worry About

The house above is used as a representation only. The crackheads that live next door to me do not live in this house although they may have at one time. WARNING: If you are a crackhead or smackhead, do not read the following article.

As if life wasn't stressful enough. We fight to make a living and make our own way coasting from paycheck to paycheck as the searing heat of summer casts the neighborhood into an oppressive haze. Paris Hilton may be emotionally damaged for life after her days spent in the cuckoo section of an L.A. jail's medical ward and I have no idea if she received my get well card. I haven't won the lottery and as a result have been unable to find any way to support myself at any type of beach home on the Hawaiian coast. I don't have any rich relatives willing to support me in a lifestyle to which I would like to become accustomed. My wife's cucumber and tomato plants suffer greatly at the hands of rebel bird and bug forces determined to storm the garden's borders. She worked hard on that garden and much to my chagrin I can testify to the old axiom which states that if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy, no matter how big or little the conundrum.

To top it off, Hispanic gangsters have moved in next door and created the "Crackhead Inn." They are loud, disrespectful, filthy, and involved in a criminal enterprise having more than a little to do with what I allege to be narcotics distribution. They all have "cool" tattoos and beautiful cars worth more than the shack they now inhabit. I guess shiny rims make the man. They must compete in contests to see who can achieve the most stupid haircut in the history of mankind. Some have a little hair and then a bald spot and then a pony tail. Many of them copied the beanie craze of the early nineties but wear them with thinner more summer friendly materials. They look even more ridiculous to see them in person. They have one or two illegitimate children shrieking through the yard at all hours but they do break from their drug activities long enough to run to the all night McDonald's to purchase the hopeless welp a "Happy Meal." I guess it's different city and same pointless subculture.

Let's see, they are dealing dope or have the greatest big screen TV in the history of our city. At least 20 different vehicles and 40 different individuals stop by to check it out and leave inside of ten minutes. Oh yeah, they all carry a duffel bag or sack inside and leave with it. I hardly ever take my duffel bag over to a friend's house to watch a game. Thank God the police have been called and responded over 20 times. The "gangstas" next door think their polite demeanor towards the men and women in blue passes for good citizenry and deflects any of the suspicions police may have when they arrive. Too bad the police know and we know that to develop any type of cause for a criminal case there must be surveillance, activity logs, and detailed reports compiled to develop probable cause. And too bad for them, there is. So the next time one of the Mexican Mafia shouts towards my bedroom window in a drunken Spanish stupor, I can only smile at the fact that it is only a matter of time before he'll be worrying about dropping the soap. One more tirade like the one at 4:00 this morning and I'll intentionally provoke them. I'll fly the Mexican flag at half-mast and upside down. I mean let's be honest, they already wear their pants at half mast and most of them would probably be surprised to know that there are a lot of military and police retirees within their proximity that really aren't scared of a good fight. Some of us old boys are actually trained to shoot back.

It should be a great summer.