Saturday, April 11, 2009

Walk the Plank

Have you been following this Somali pirate action the last couple of days? Apparently these terrorists make quite a prosperous living hijacking ocean going cargo vessels and yachts and taking crew members hostage for healthy ransoms. Earlier in the week a French couple and their young child found themselves abducted by these mindless heathens and the man lost his life during a rescue orchestrated by the French government. True, the man and his wife ignored warnings about piracy in the area and chose to attempt a pleasure cruise through the area anyway. This French man and his wife apparently weren't the brightest bulbs in the knife drawer and they thought their home country's military could bail them out in a tight squeeze? That's a shock. The all powerful French military screwed up the negotiation and release of three countrymen, one of whom was an infant child. Sure glad they're NOT helping us fight in Iraq and Afghanistan. Why do we need their permission again to conduct operations against terrorists? I seriously doubt the French military could successfully orchestrate the covert removal of dog poop from the French president's lawn without screwing it up. So going up against pirates would certainly be out of reach for the French military or whatever they call it. It's funny the government of France didn't just pay up rather than bluff a fight. It's not like France not to pander and placate terrorism.
Second, an American captain of a Maersk cargo ship is being held captive by Somali pirates in the same body of water some distance away. According to my interpretation of international law, the United States Navy doesn't have the authority to engage the pirates in this particular body of water regardless of the crew's nationality. I imagine some ships fly under the flags of different countries for tax and trade purposes further complicating what I am sure is a legal nightmare in international or non-American waters. You have to give this American captain credit though. He jumped from the lifeboat the pirates held him on and was dog paddling towards a Navy destroyer sent to block reinforcements from reaching the pirates' lifeboat. The captain swam back to his captors after a hail of automatic weapons fire encircled him during his attempted break to freedom. What did he say when he got back to them after they fired at him? I was just kidding.
So a conundrum exists. The terrorist lifeboat is out of fuel. The Navy is or shortly will be blocking resupply of this boat by their terrorist buddies. The pirates are negotiating and demanding ransom even though they're afloat without gas. They said they'll kill Captain Phillips if the Navy engages them. No one at the State Department or Pentagon has called me as of this hour but if they read this blog I'll provide the solution to them free of charge as a service to my country and in hopes that Captain Phillips will be safely returned to his family in Vermont.
The U.S. Navy should surround the lifeboat and agree to facilitate whatever sum of sum of money the terrorists demand. Once confirmation of the transfer of funds to an account chosen by the terrorists is complete, safely stow Captain Phillips below deck in the American destroyer sent to surround the lifeboat he'd been on. Next it is time to turn the turrets on one or more of our destroyers towards this lifeboat and blow the ever loving shit out of it and its pirate crew. There shouldn't be a piece of boat or terrorist big enough to provide a gourmet meal for a minnow. Five or six of our destroyers then play bumper cars with any terrorist vessel in the area within a 10,000 square mile radius. We kill them all and keep killing them until they get the hint that terrorism on the high seas may be hazardous to your health. We could paint billboards on the side of our destroyers like the drinking and driving billboards you see along the highways in America. Then we summon one, only one, U.S. aircraft carrier to the region as well. The NSA and CIA have intelligence indicating where the terrorist strongholds are on the Somali coast and inland as well. Our fighter jets turn these safe houses into glass. Now regardless of the "international community's" concern about unilateral action we just get it done and it's over with. We seize the funds we handed over. If an international bank doesn't give our money back after we explain that this was a ransom paid to international terrorists we burn the bank down and take our money back anyway. When the United Nations wants to investigate our actions we withdraw from the U.N. This should have been done years ago anyway. The U.N. is an organization that promotes terrorism and even allows terror sponsoring nations to vote on how we deal with terrorists. Wow, that is logical and intelligent isn't it? Probably not. I wish they'd just call me more often. I wonder if Barack or Hillary could come up with a better plan. I doubt it. They're taking the U.N. path which blames America first and trumpets negotiating with those that wish us harm instead of ridding them for the scourge they are. I like my way better.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Always walk with the plank.

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