Friday, January 12, 2007

Some Montana Newspapers Are Hilarious!

Remember me piping about the mainstream media and "editorial slant"? Most of the papers in Montana have liberal leanings but I just can't help commenting on some stories that ran in the Missoulian.

One story involved the death of a burglar at a craft shop in Missoula. Apparently the man died of asphyxia after becoming lodged in the ductwork he so meticulously removed during his attempted break-in. The Missoulian reporter phrased it as follows: "the tragic result of a botched burglary attempt." Tragic? How ridiculous. Funny? Quite possibly hilarious. The story also mentioned a solid motive ceased to exist because authorities pondered what riches in the craft shop made the rather complex entry and subsequent death worth the risk. Perhaps a more fitting headline would have been, "Man Dies After Trying to Steal Elton John Quilt Patterns" or "This Guy Gave It All for the Golden Garden Gnome." To top off the stupidity, the fire department and rescue (retrieval) personnel had to further disassemble the ductwork to remove his carcass thus freeing up the possibility for free and fresh smelling airflow come summer time. I hope the craft store owner bills this man's estate for the construction expenses caused by the dead burglar or puts a lien on his Nova to reclaim damages from this act of sheer lunacy. The only thing that would have made this story "tragic" would be if the store owner discovered the burglary attempt, shot the intruder, and was subsequently sued by the burglar. If judges are as liberal as the media and other "intellectuals" in Missoula County, the burglar probably could've been the new owner of the establishment.

The second story involved a teenager lost on Mount Sentinel after becoming disoriented during a brisk January hike. Did anything I just say cause you to raise a red flag? Even one of the rescuers said and I'll paraphrase here: "The guy wasn't dressed for the weather, you don't realize the changing weather conditions, it gets dark sooner, and then you're just stuck." Oh yeah, let's just all rationalize Neanderthal behavior and then pay for it with taxpayer money. They had better bill this idiot teen's family to reclaim the expenses used to recover this kid off the mountain. I'm all for bringing him down safe and sound but if you are this dumb, you're going to repay the taxpayer coffers. You are not dressed appropriately for a hike on a mountain in January? Did you miss getting the "IT IS BITTERLY COLD AND DARK IN MONTANA IN JANUARY" memo? You don't realize the sun goes down earlier in January than it does in June? Does this kid eat scrambled eggs with his hands? Has anyone introduced him to toilet paper? I have a feeling this kid could jump out of bed and miss the floor. I guess it's a happy ending because the kid is alive but My God! How dumb are we becoming as a society and nobody complains about rewarding (the rescue itself) stupidity with taxpayer resources? That is tragic. A good headline reads more like this, "Local Search and Rescue Officials Sue Idiot Teen to Recover Rescue Expenses After Ignorant Decision to Hike in January in T-Shirt and Bermudas."

My final comment stems from MoveOn supporters protesting the war at a Missoula intersection in the freezing cold. The story in the paper referred to their actions as "brave." I don't think that is the word that pops up as I drive by in the heated comfort of my vehicle's interior, smirking at them while sipping warm coffee. I can't believe this made the papers. I am sure the Bush Administration and war architects closed the doors and went underground while the George Soros worshippers in Missoula stood in the cold railing against Bush and the Iraq War. The paper mentioned several motorists honked their horns in support of signs the protesters held that pleaded for the war's end, pleaded for bringing troops stateside, and requested the firing of the Commander in Chief. Unless an official poll indicates otherwise, there is no scientific evidence to prove all the horn honking equated to support of the protesters and their liberal talking points. As a purveyor of human nature, I'll wager that some of the conversations behind the honking horns went something like, "Hey honey, look at those dinks standing out there in the cold. Are they stupid or what? What did that sign say? I couldn't see it. Wouldn't it be smarter to just send out a mailer? That guy must be cold, did you see the snot running out of his nose?"
Before labeling these protesters as brave, let's put it in the proper context. Let's reserve that word for those that truly deserve it. I'll bet a majority of the MoveOn peace lovers have never stood a post or taken enemy fire. Let's not denigrate the ideal of bravery by bestowing it on those with little idea of its defined intention and meaning. Let us honor and preserve the term bravery for those in the field that have earned it.

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