Saturday, February 10, 2007

Illegal Immigration, For the Umpteenth Time

I scrolled through an article describing the deaths of three illegal immigrants on the Arizona-Mexico border. Arizona governor Janet Napolitano promises to get to the bottom of the activity with an ensuing investigation and proper law enforcement action. A snippet of truth entered into the article when it mentioned the illegal immigrants were probably gunned down by rival smugglers. Of course the corrupt, chaotic, and inept Mexican government blames anybody and everybody but themselves for our illegal immigration and border security problems. In a way they are quite right. Our government's lack of action and reform on this issue is nothing short of disastrous.

I sure am glad my proposed illegal immigration and border security initiatives haven't received the coverage I hoped they would. I am not sure how the Mexicans say "hate monger" in their native tongue and I wouldn't take the time for a translation. For those of you who have unfortunately missed out, I will repeat my proposal for the last and umpteenth time. First we make the impossible task of rounding up the 11 million illegal immigrants in this country possible. With all the money illegal criminals from Mexico are bilking from local government entitlement programs and healthcare funds sweated out by legal taxpayers, that money would be better spent on a massive law enforcement roundup and handcuffing rodeo.

Next our merry, multimillion numbered, non-taxpaying, non-English speaking band of illegal takers shall be gently coaxed south towards the Rio Grande by law enforcement officers with an excellent command of the ENGLISH language. Under the supervision of American forces these same criminals will construct a forty foot high wall that is 12 feet thick lined internally with rebar, steel, and pipe supports. You will not chip away at this wall. The wall starts in the Pacific Ocean and ends in the Gulf of Mexico. There will be one crossing suitable for pedestrian and vehicle crossing in each state (California, Arizona, New Mexico, Texas) and one crossing only. Each crossing will be manned by a division of Customs and Border Patrol personnel complete with roaming guards, infrared cameras, and long range weaponry capable of reaching out and touching someone at sufficient distance.

To further discourage illegal entry the south face of our newly constructed monolith shall contain crisscrossed rows of highly charged electrical conduit capable of jumpstarting the Sun if touched. To be fair and humane, warning signs in both English and Spanish shall be constructed along the path leading to each crossing. The signs shall be posted several times starting a mile in advance so that the devious minds trying to outfox my system have been fairly and properly warned of the dangers of illegal entry. For those that don't read and need a picture, you know like those deer crossing the highway signs, there will also be a sign indicating a mosquito flying into a giant bugzapper. That should just about cover any international liability cases. I would hope to conduct a quick test run of the wall and the effectiveness of the warning signs with any ACLU attorneys willing to volunteer their services for this public service endeavor.

Lastly, our rounded up illegal workers that so graciously helped us construct our wall will be given the first chance to use our newly constructed crossings as they make their trek to Mexico. If they want to come back they can follow a path to citizenship just like my ancestors before me did. That path includes having command of the English language before any application for United States citizenship is considered.

If you think this is too harsh, check out Mexico's policies on immigration in case you have the burning desire to pursue Mexican citizenship. My proposals are sugar and spice in comparison. At any rate, the border is a disaster and perhaps the only solution is a stark and menacing statement indicating that Americans are no longer willing to sacrifice their money and security to benefit the failed policies of a degenerate nation like Mexico. Our illegal immigrant problem is not our problem at all; it is theirs. I am tired of watching the disintegration of national policy at the expense of We the People. We are simply pawns in the political machine that chews us up and spits us out. Let's at least have the pride and strength to stand up to the country of Mexico. If we don't have the intestinal fortitude to protect our borders and the laws regarding citizenship, where are we going as a nation?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Having also read your sensible approach to traffic control in your neighborhood idea, I'd guess you may also support the Idaho rabbit drive approach to illegal immigration. $2 for a set of ears for the first month then $50 a set for the next month. The next month you could raise it to $10,000 per set because by that time they would be as scarce as hen's teeth. I'm a new reader I like your stuff keep up the good work